Turkey Firsts

Get it? "Turkey" firsts? Too cheesy for you? Yeah, a bit much for me too, but I'm so tired that I can't force myself to care much.

Do you remember those sleepless nights? You know, the ones during finals where you try to repent and frantically memorize every little bit of information your professor may or may not hold you accountable for on that dreaded piece of paper known as the final. When you think back nostalgically on your good ol' college days, think back on that too. And remember me - that I willingly submitted myself to - in fact, I'm paying big bucks to be a part of - this beastly affair. So, my life at the moment is a constant effort to stand strong against the constant waves of exhaustion, emotionally, mentally, and physically, and the fervent light of hope waiting for me at the end: I get to go home.

OK, that may be dramatic, but I already said I'm tired. I've been up since four a.m., and I think I will be every day this week. I won't be home until 10:30 tonight. Again, that will be the standard (if that!). And, really it is pretty representational of how I'm feeling.

BUT I had a TERRIFIC Thanksgiving! I successfully made a turkey, stuffing (completely from scratch - even dried the bread cubes), and gravy (also completely from scratch). I have achieved adulthood. My old college roommate/dear friend Sharon and her husband Anthony came up with their darling baby boy Ira and we had a great dinner with my roommate and some friends here. And I had PLENTY of leftovers (as my roommate constantly points out - she fails to see the joy of Thanksgiving leftovers in sandwiches, casseroles, soups, etc.). All in all, it was a success.

On Friday we went to Plimouth Plantation (yes, I can spell - that's how it is spelled). Highly recommend it! I met my ancestor, Samuel Fuller, and his wife Bridget. Of course, he wasn't aware he had progeny, so it was a bit of an awkward conversation. We also visited the Mayflower II, and I even saw a lighthouse on the way home. Could you ask for a better day-after-Thanksgiving?

Now it's back to the books. Write a paper, finish Hebrew (that final is this week - but then I only have two left), make flashcards, study old ones. All in a night's work. Happy holidays everyone. I look forward to seeing you (hopefully) soon.

ANOTHER FIRST!

Yes, I am so pleased to announce that a new first is in my near future! Thanksgiving has come and gone for 31 years for me, now, and I have never actually made my own Thanksgiving dinner. I have helped my mom plenty of times, but never on my own. But in just over a week I will wake up early, stuff a large, dead bird with dried bread, celery, and spices, and place it in the oven. I will boil potatoes, make homemade gravy (yikes!), and help my friend Sharon with whatever it is she is bringing to contribute to the dinner. In short, Thanksgiving is at my humble home (truly humble!) for the first time! I feel as though I have finally achieved adulthood, and I'm thrilled! Now I just have to get through this week of papers and quizzes, and I'm on my way!

One other quick first to announce. I drove in Boston today - and during morning rush hour, to boot! And not a single ding or honked horn. I'm a natural.

So, I thought, as my first semester in graduate school is coming to a close, I would share some of the wisdom I have gained over the last few months. I may use this stuff for a future Sacrament Meeting talk - and I give you permission to do the same. Some of the wisdom is funny, some more didactic and serious, but all of it is true.

1. Wild turkeys still inhabit New England, and roam without a thought for their soon-to-be roasted, domestic brothers on the other side of the fence.
2. Utahns, and even Mormons, do not have a corner on being good Samaritans. People are good everywhere, even if they get a bad reputation from outsiders who don't know what the heck they're talking about. As annoying as tourists with their nose in a map must be, Bostonians are more than happy to stop and give you directions, trust you to come back and pay for your haircut if you didn't bring a check book, and slow down for you to walk across the street.
3. It's really hard to go after your dream! I used to watch my friend Nathan struggle and feel discouraged, and wondered if he wasn't possibly foolish for going after it. But he is now on the way up (I really do think you'll one day see one of his musicals, possibly even on Broadway), and, in his words, "There's nothing quite so hard, but there's also nothing nearly as rewarding."
4. Sometimes part of the hurt is the inability to share it with anyone, because there is no possible way that they can understand it - it's so complex. But the Savior does, and He can help. And it does get better.
5. If you are truly engaged in becoming a real disciple of Christ, there will be anguish of soul, moments of despair, and realizations of personal traits that you wish you could just get rid of. But, combining the previous two points, there will also be exhilaration, triumph, and plenty of help from the Savior to become His heir. "There must be opposition in all things."
6. Thomas Edison was right on: Genius is 10% inspiration, and 90% perspiration. The trick is getting engaged enough to really perspire - and to continue perspiring, even when you just want to lie down and give up for a minute. That's really hard, and that's why so few achieve it!
7. Finally, the 94 bus will take you all the way to Davis Square, but it is very unpredictable. If you miss it, the 80 bus will take you 3/4 the way to Davis Square. Your options are to go back home, out of the rain, and try again for the 94 (but probably miss the train you need to take), wait in the rain for the 94 (still missing the train), or take the 80, and walk a few minutes. Really, if you're willing to walk a few extra minutes, the 80 bus is less crowded, and you might find you even enjoy the walk! How like life!

Well, there ya go. I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving. May we all be aware of how truly blessed we are!

Another year, another set of firsts to accomplish

I considered whether to continue writing, now that I have accomplished my 30 firsts, and the general purpose of this blog is now completed. Clearly, I decided to keep going. Partly because I like pontificating and sending my thoughts out to the world. Partly because I'm not doing as well as I would like at keeping a journal - and this is something, at least. But mostly because I do have some friends who read, and I love them. I want to remain connected to them in some way.

The last few weeks, and up through the end of the semester, I'm sure, have become the "endure to the end" period for me. Truly. This move to Boston has been much more difficult for me than I imagined. (Good thing I didn't imagine it being so difficult, or I probably wouldn't have come!) I miss my family and friends tremendously - and any of you who know me well know that I get attached and find it difficult to detach and move on with my life. Missing major events in their lives (including football games, birthdays, new dating adventures, etc.) has really strained me emotionally. And that has affected everything else. I become easily distracted while studying, and have felt somewhat depressed and discouraged much of the time.

And then there is school. It is a constant feeling of not being smart enough, not knowing enough, and not being diligent enough to succeed. And if I don't succeed, then not only am I a failure, but I have thrown a lot of money down the drain - money I'm not sure I can pay off if I don't reach my goals. Add that to the (self-imposed) pressure of trying to be my best all the time, and an example of the Savior, and feeling like the example I'm setting is one of mere mediocrity and failure. All this pressure and emotion has made my life out here very challenging for the last few weeks. Of course, I try not to talk about that too much, because my problems and frustrations don't serve anyone - they only add to others' problems; they don't lighten anyone's day. But the feeling has been weighing on me for a while.

Then one of my friends recently noted that it sounded like I regret coming here. I didn't realize it, but it was a question I have been subconsciously asking myself for quite some time. Did I make a mistake? And the answer I tell myself, even amidst the self-doubt and discouragement, is absolutely not. I have felt led to this point. I don't know why, but I have received various witnesses that I can and will see miracles, if I'll just have faith. I trust that the Lord will open the path for me, and show me, someday, why I'm here, and how I can serve Him. And I'll succeed. That is the miracle.

I have always been keenly aware of my weaknesses (I know, those of you who know me also know that). But in my lifelong struggle to be better than I am, I have realized that I have one key strength. I'm not particularly talented in any given area, and I'm not as smart as I wish I were. I'm not even as diligent as I wish I were. But I don't give up. My gift is the gift to never give up. And I won't. And I'll get there, eventually. If God can be patient with me, so can I. I trust He will make of me what I am meant to be.

So, I'll stop moaning and dwelling on what's not going right, and instead focus on what I can do better. And I'm happy. And with the Holy Ghost in my life, I will always be happy, no matter what. So, friends, there's my thought for the day.

Oh, and I've decided that this year's goal is to read 31 new books - but that's impossible before my 31st birthday, so it's a lifelong goal. Read 31 great books - classics, ones that I should read but haven't yet. I'm making a list, so if you have recommendations, feel free to share them. I'm starting with the entire Bible. Sad - I have never read it cover to cover, completely. That is my goal for this year. So far, I'm almost finished with Genesis (I have to speed things up, if I'm going to finish on time!). It has been wonderful!