Boston streets, January drizzle, and Karl Marx

Ignore my delightful pictures of crawling into the snow/rock cave at Donut Falls, and first answer this question (then look to your heart's content). What do streets in Boston, yucky January drizzle, and Karl Marx all have in common? Nothing - except that they are all an annoying part of my life at the moment! Even with the GPS (and thank goodness for it, or there would be no hope at all!), navigating the streets in Boston - I think they are like a big pot of spaghettie noodles that someone dropped all over the ground and called them streets - is like a bad dream. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm in some kind of dream world like the movie Inception. I can't ever orient myself! And, come to think of it, I woke from a dream yesterday morning to find that I was still in a dream! It was rather distressing - my hair (in the dream) was damp from sweat, and all matted and curly, and I didn't have time to shower. Hmmm...anyway. It has been an adventure, to say the least.

Now, if you've kept up with the news, you know that Boston has had more than its share of snow this year. This is true. But snow is infinitely better than its wet, sniveling cousin, rain drizzle! But get the two of them together, and it's disaster! Nasty, cold weather, with constant drizzle, melting snow that contributes to the huge puddles (and I mean huge, and right where you can't walk around them, because of the 4-ft. piles of snow!), and overall stupid weather conditions for January!

Surprisingly, I'm actually in quite a good mood. This may be because I finally deposited my student loan check, and now have more than a dollar in my bank account. Or because I'm eating cashews - that always has a positive effect on my mood. But I think the reason is two-fold. First, a girl I tutored briefly in the Writing Center last semester stopped me on campus today to tell me that she specifically wanted me to tutor her writing class (I saw the job posting, but I really don't think I can squeeze in anymore this semester). It was very flattering and nice to know I'm of some help. Second, I just finished my classes for the day, and I'm really going to like them all. It's going to be tough - no way around it. And I mean, I tough! Hundreds of pages to read each week (and I'm a painfully slow reader! At least for the academic world), some major papers to write (I'll have written somewhere between 50-100 pages of research by May 10 or so), etc. But the topics are so interesting! I have never taken sociology before, but I should have! I like it! And History of Israel! So cool! I'm definitely in the right place!

Speaking of the right place, did you know that I am at the best school in the world for Israel Studies? How did I manage that!? I didn't - not even a little. Heavenly Father did. I feel so blessed. I just have to talk myself into appreciating the salad I had to satisfy myself with for dinner. Oh, and go read 100 pages of Karl Marx by Monday. Yeah, life is good.

Back to Boston...and loving it!

I am freshly inspired. I just finished watching Julie and Julia (I'm sorry, but I have to pause to lavishly praise Meryl Streep - she delights me in this film!), which conveniently sat waiting for me on my bed when I got home last night. I am inspired to write, and I am inspired to cook! Being unable to do both, I will write. My responsible side tells me I should buckle down and wade through the dozens (nigh unto hundreds!) of emails in my inbox, and deal with the large pile of mail (from which I pulled the movie last night - one of the few things I actually have opened). But, instead, I will succomb to temptation, and write.

Do you love it when I accomplish another first? I do! It's so fun to have completed a project that celebrates doing anything for the first time - my life has become perpetually fresh and new! My most recent first: driving across the country in 2.5 days. That's something! AND I went through at least 5 states that I have never been to before. I took the I-70 path to avoid Chicago (HUGE snowstorm in the forecast), which dropped us down from Wyoming to Colorado, to Kansas, to Missouri, to Illinois, to Indiana, to Ohio, to West Virginia, to Pennsylvania, to New Jersey, to New York, to Connecticut, to Rhode Island, to good, ol' Massachusetts (and, yes, I have learned to spell it correctly). OK, so the last few were on I-95. Anyway, we (Cassidy Bull and I) were incredibly blessed - we missed the major snowstorms, and encountered very little that affected our driving - negatively, anyway. I did get a little distracted and take the wrong freeway in St. Louis. The arch was just so fun! And I am convinced that there is not a lovelier countryside than Pennsylvania, somewhere not far from West Virginia and Harrisburg, PA (according to road signs). Even in winter, trees stripped of leaves, and driving along the highway at 65 mph (or perhaps more, but I'll never tell), the land was breath-taking. Charming farm houses, rolling mountains/hills (depending on which part of the country you're from), and tunnels that take you through the mountain. If you should find yourself one day presented with the choice of driving through this area or not, definitely drive it!

We were likewise very blessed with no car problems, and with good company (well, speaking for her company anyway - I'm sure I wasn't always the most pleasant company. I can hardly stand myself, sometimes!). One of my favorite past times was making our way through Trivial Pursuit Cards. I've never done especially well at that game, but I held my own - especially on American History questions. We decided to try to stop in Philadelphia and see the Liberty Bell. We didn't know exactly where it was, so we plugged it in the the trusty GPS, which took us 30 miles north to Allentown, PA. We thought that was a little odd, but neither of us being geography buffs, we drove up and found the Liberty Bell Shrine Museum. As we suspected, it's NOT where the Liberty Bell currently resides, but it is a lovely little church nonetheless. It happens to be where the Liberty Bell was hidden during the Revolution so those darn Brits couldn't get a hold of it. Chalk that one up to a future Jeopardy question - who knows, it may win me big bucks one day!

We opted not to retrace our steps to Philly, but to instead have an authentic Philly Cheesesteak. Other than a splash of red marinara sauce on my clean new shirt, the sandwhiches were everything they should be, and our little (and only stop) was a success. For future reference, the Liberty Bell is near Independence Hall, according to Peter Steenblik. Of course - that would be the logical assumption. When have I ever been logical?

And, so I prepare myself to begin school again. I am looking forward to it, but also wiser to what I'm in for this time around. No more wicked Akkadian, but more writing, I'm sure. And probably more reading. But that's good. I need to write a paper that I can publish. This is a major thing I have never done before, and it does fill my heart with some angst. But my Heavenly Father has more than taken care of me so far, and I know He will help me with this too. He has reassurred me that I can succeed. And I will. Now, I must go exercise and get busy getting ready for school to begin again. Shalom!

Christmas and New Year

Do you know, I have sat down a couple of times already to write a post - I figure it's about time. But I can't come up with anything interesting to write (it's a good thing I never became a columnist - I'd be a complete failure!). I sometimes have some little inspirations that I want to share with people, but then I get to the computer and my mind is blank. I consider my options: a) Christmas Eve/Day - we made it with minimal fighting, but it did include some heartache that I won't elaborate on; b) precious time spent with friends - it was wonderful to me, but not really anything noteworthy; c) precious time spent with family - I am not used to being so lazy! I don't know how to just lay around anymore; or d) New Years up at the Bangerter cabin with Patty and her family - my family actually came and had a pretty good time, but, other than the snowmobile dying on us, and sliding backward down the icy road in the truck with the trailer (adrenaline pumping, let me assure you!), and winding up with a jackknifed trailer stuck in the snow bank, nothing of interest to tell.

Oh, I thought of something! I went on a blind date with a very nice guy, but I wasn't super excited about the ice-skating portion of the date (the Thai food, however, was especially delightful!). It turned out that they gave out hockey skates at the Gallivan ice rink instead of the old figure skates, and my ankles appreciated the switch. I only had to sit out once, and I never even fell! Now if only my date lived in Boston too!

Another fun little tidbit is that I took my friend Brian to my high school friend Christmas party. He is a perfect companion for such an occasion - goodlooking guy, but with personality; fun, courteous, etc. It was actually quite fun, and I loved seeing some old friends.

One thing I love about having accomplished 30 first things in my life, is that I now feel a sense of accomplishment when I do something I've never done before - even if it is kind of pathetic. Case and point: I went to a movie (at a theater) all alone for the first time the other day. Another first! It was at the dollar theater (Deception was the movie, in case you'd like to know), and I was joined by several other apparently single people - mostly in the senior citizen category. Apparently, I have moved into that phase of my life. That must be how my friends feel that attend the 31 and over ward! Interesting. Luckily, in Boston my ward is 31-45, and it is great!

One last item to report: I got all A's my first semester in grad school. Can you believe it? I hardly could! I got an A- from Akkadian! I really didn't think that was even possible, but then again, I know that God is a God of miracles. That is certainly true, and I am humbled and grateful.

Well, as I begin the new year, I am committed to memorizing my 31 scriptures (having to recommit - only have 2 down!), and to losing some more weight. I will overcome the emotional/psychological barriers and eat/treat my body the way it should be. There ya go - it's public, and I will do it! Happy New Year!

Turkey Firsts

Get it? "Turkey" firsts? Too cheesy for you? Yeah, a bit much for me too, but I'm so tired that I can't force myself to care much.

Do you remember those sleepless nights? You know, the ones during finals where you try to repent and frantically memorize every little bit of information your professor may or may not hold you accountable for on that dreaded piece of paper known as the final. When you think back nostalgically on your good ol' college days, think back on that too. And remember me - that I willingly submitted myself to - in fact, I'm paying big bucks to be a part of - this beastly affair. So, my life at the moment is a constant effort to stand strong against the constant waves of exhaustion, emotionally, mentally, and physically, and the fervent light of hope waiting for me at the end: I get to go home.

OK, that may be dramatic, but I already said I'm tired. I've been up since four a.m., and I think I will be every day this week. I won't be home until 10:30 tonight. Again, that will be the standard (if that!). And, really it is pretty representational of how I'm feeling.

BUT I had a TERRIFIC Thanksgiving! I successfully made a turkey, stuffing (completely from scratch - even dried the bread cubes), and gravy (also completely from scratch). I have achieved adulthood. My old college roommate/dear friend Sharon and her husband Anthony came up with their darling baby boy Ira and we had a great dinner with my roommate and some friends here. And I had PLENTY of leftovers (as my roommate constantly points out - she fails to see the joy of Thanksgiving leftovers in sandwiches, casseroles, soups, etc.). All in all, it was a success.

On Friday we went to Plimouth Plantation (yes, I can spell - that's how it is spelled). Highly recommend it! I met my ancestor, Samuel Fuller, and his wife Bridget. Of course, he wasn't aware he had progeny, so it was a bit of an awkward conversation. We also visited the Mayflower II, and I even saw a lighthouse on the way home. Could you ask for a better day-after-Thanksgiving?

Now it's back to the books. Write a paper, finish Hebrew (that final is this week - but then I only have two left), make flashcards, study old ones. All in a night's work. Happy holidays everyone. I look forward to seeing you (hopefully) soon.

ANOTHER FIRST!

Yes, I am so pleased to announce that a new first is in my near future! Thanksgiving has come and gone for 31 years for me, now, and I have never actually made my own Thanksgiving dinner. I have helped my mom plenty of times, but never on my own. But in just over a week I will wake up early, stuff a large, dead bird with dried bread, celery, and spices, and place it in the oven. I will boil potatoes, make homemade gravy (yikes!), and help my friend Sharon with whatever it is she is bringing to contribute to the dinner. In short, Thanksgiving is at my humble home (truly humble!) for the first time! I feel as though I have finally achieved adulthood, and I'm thrilled! Now I just have to get through this week of papers and quizzes, and I'm on my way!

One other quick first to announce. I drove in Boston today - and during morning rush hour, to boot! And not a single ding or honked horn. I'm a natural.

So, I thought, as my first semester in graduate school is coming to a close, I would share some of the wisdom I have gained over the last few months. I may use this stuff for a future Sacrament Meeting talk - and I give you permission to do the same. Some of the wisdom is funny, some more didactic and serious, but all of it is true.

1. Wild turkeys still inhabit New England, and roam without a thought for their soon-to-be roasted, domestic brothers on the other side of the fence.
2. Utahns, and even Mormons, do not have a corner on being good Samaritans. People are good everywhere, even if they get a bad reputation from outsiders who don't know what the heck they're talking about. As annoying as tourists with their nose in a map must be, Bostonians are more than happy to stop and give you directions, trust you to come back and pay for your haircut if you didn't bring a check book, and slow down for you to walk across the street.
3. It's really hard to go after your dream! I used to watch my friend Nathan struggle and feel discouraged, and wondered if he wasn't possibly foolish for going after it. But he is now on the way up (I really do think you'll one day see one of his musicals, possibly even on Broadway), and, in his words, "There's nothing quite so hard, but there's also nothing nearly as rewarding."
4. Sometimes part of the hurt is the inability to share it with anyone, because there is no possible way that they can understand it - it's so complex. But the Savior does, and He can help. And it does get better.
5. If you are truly engaged in becoming a real disciple of Christ, there will be anguish of soul, moments of despair, and realizations of personal traits that you wish you could just get rid of. But, combining the previous two points, there will also be exhilaration, triumph, and plenty of help from the Savior to become His heir. "There must be opposition in all things."
6. Thomas Edison was right on: Genius is 10% inspiration, and 90% perspiration. The trick is getting engaged enough to really perspire - and to continue perspiring, even when you just want to lie down and give up for a minute. That's really hard, and that's why so few achieve it!
7. Finally, the 94 bus will take you all the way to Davis Square, but it is very unpredictable. If you miss it, the 80 bus will take you 3/4 the way to Davis Square. Your options are to go back home, out of the rain, and try again for the 94 (but probably miss the train you need to take), wait in the rain for the 94 (still missing the train), or take the 80, and walk a few minutes. Really, if you're willing to walk a few extra minutes, the 80 bus is less crowded, and you might find you even enjoy the walk! How like life!

Well, there ya go. I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving. May we all be aware of how truly blessed we are!

Another year, another set of firsts to accomplish

I considered whether to continue writing, now that I have accomplished my 30 firsts, and the general purpose of this blog is now completed. Clearly, I decided to keep going. Partly because I like pontificating and sending my thoughts out to the world. Partly because I'm not doing as well as I would like at keeping a journal - and this is something, at least. But mostly because I do have some friends who read, and I love them. I want to remain connected to them in some way.

The last few weeks, and up through the end of the semester, I'm sure, have become the "endure to the end" period for me. Truly. This move to Boston has been much more difficult for me than I imagined. (Good thing I didn't imagine it being so difficult, or I probably wouldn't have come!) I miss my family and friends tremendously - and any of you who know me well know that I get attached and find it difficult to detach and move on with my life. Missing major events in their lives (including football games, birthdays, new dating adventures, etc.) has really strained me emotionally. And that has affected everything else. I become easily distracted while studying, and have felt somewhat depressed and discouraged much of the time.

And then there is school. It is a constant feeling of not being smart enough, not knowing enough, and not being diligent enough to succeed. And if I don't succeed, then not only am I a failure, but I have thrown a lot of money down the drain - money I'm not sure I can pay off if I don't reach my goals. Add that to the (self-imposed) pressure of trying to be my best all the time, and an example of the Savior, and feeling like the example I'm setting is one of mere mediocrity and failure. All this pressure and emotion has made my life out here very challenging for the last few weeks. Of course, I try not to talk about that too much, because my problems and frustrations don't serve anyone - they only add to others' problems; they don't lighten anyone's day. But the feeling has been weighing on me for a while.

Then one of my friends recently noted that it sounded like I regret coming here. I didn't realize it, but it was a question I have been subconsciously asking myself for quite some time. Did I make a mistake? And the answer I tell myself, even amidst the self-doubt and discouragement, is absolutely not. I have felt led to this point. I don't know why, but I have received various witnesses that I can and will see miracles, if I'll just have faith. I trust that the Lord will open the path for me, and show me, someday, why I'm here, and how I can serve Him. And I'll succeed. That is the miracle.

I have always been keenly aware of my weaknesses (I know, those of you who know me also know that). But in my lifelong struggle to be better than I am, I have realized that I have one key strength. I'm not particularly talented in any given area, and I'm not as smart as I wish I were. I'm not even as diligent as I wish I were. But I don't give up. My gift is the gift to never give up. And I won't. And I'll get there, eventually. If God can be patient with me, so can I. I trust He will make of me what I am meant to be.

So, I'll stop moaning and dwelling on what's not going right, and instead focus on what I can do better. And I'm happy. And with the Holy Ghost in my life, I will always be happy, no matter what. So, friends, there's my thought for the day.

Oh, and I've decided that this year's goal is to read 31 new books - but that's impossible before my 31st birthday, so it's a lifelong goal. Read 31 great books - classics, ones that I should read but haven't yet. I'm making a list, so if you have recommendations, feel free to share them. I'm starting with the entire Bible. Sad - I have never read it cover to cover, completely. That is my goal for this year. So far, I'm almost finished with Genesis (I have to speed things up, if I'm going to finish on time!). It has been wonderful!

Returning and Reporting

For those few of you who somewhat faithfully keep tabs on my blog, I apologize. I have been remiss in reporting on my 31st birthday (the day of judgment...at least for my 30 firsts). But don't you worry! I did them all - every last one! And more! It has been a particularly eventful year!

What, you say, was my 30th first? If you have been reading carefully, you know already - it was going to be whale watching. Well, I am very sad to report that I was not able to fraternize with the whales. Surely both I and the whales are the worse for losing that opportunity. But the weather was not my friend that fateful Saturday, and the whale-watching cruise was canceled. This, after Sariah and I RAN down State Street for several blocks just to make sure we didn't miss the boat (pun intended). We didn't miss it. It never left the dock. Our tickets were refunded. It was a great disappointment.

But never fear! Boston holds a plethora of fun activities for a Saturday afternoon. Actually, this particular Saturday, we went to Concord. We strolled through beautiful Sleepy Hollow Cemetery (we being Marchelle, Sariah, Loni, and I - so wonderful to be with good friends!) and visited Authors Ridge - I had been there before, so it doesn't count for a first. And we drove around and admired the lovely historical homes. But the highlight came when we stumbled, so to speak, upon Louisa May Alcott's Orchard House. What a find! It was closed, so we explored the grounds around it, and took pictures. One picture was particularly memorable. Three of us sat/leaned on the short fence in front of the home for a picture, and just when we were giving our best grin, we heard a fateful "crack" beneath us. We had broken the fence of the Orchard House! We were completely dismayed! A woman in a car waiting for her husband to figure out something on a map saw our little defacing of this historical monument, and her face was one of complete horror. We felt so bad that we wrote a little note on a scrap paper, indicating that our chubby buns had broken their fence, and to call me for repairs, rolled it up, and put it inside the door frame for the historical society to find the next day. We certainly left and impression!

So, my 30th and final first turned out to be defacing a national historic monument. Three cheers for me! Or, should I say 30 cheers?

Other highlights of my time with friends included visiting the USS Constitution. If you have never visited, may I suggest you get there one day? It's quite fun. It's a naval post, so the tours are given by current sailors in the U.S. Navy, and they're fun to take pictures with. On the way out, the girls filled out comment cards all about how cute Jared (our sailor) was, and that "Utah loves Jared!" and such nonsense that one writes when one is certain that she won't ever have to face that person again. The next week my friend Patty came to visit, and I, as a good friend, dutifully took her to see the Constitution. Guess who our tour guide was. Yep, none other than "cute Jared." I tried to remain inconspicuous so he wouldn't notice me, but sure enough, about halfway through the tour, he began looking directly at me every few seconds. While we waited for people to file in after moving to another deck, before continuing the tour, he looked over at Patty and me and asked, "Where are you folks from?" I stood in embarrassed silence, but Patty brightly answered, "Utah." He looked away for a few seconds, then looked back and said to me, "Have you been on the tour before?" Now I couldn't ignore the situation. I said, "Yes. I wasn't sure if you would remember," to which he replied, "Oh, I remember." Great!

He continued with the tour, and at the end pointed out that we could fill out comment cards to let them know how they were doing. Then he looked directly at me and said, "And the Captain reads every one." This is when I would have crawled into one of the cannons to hide, if I could. I just looked away. If I were as flirtatious as my mom wishes I were, I would have come up with some clever retort, instead of the embarrassed smile, which was the only thing I could muster. As I departed the ship a few minutes later, he was there AGAIN! No escape! I muttered something about, "See ya later," and he said, "Be sure to tell your friends what I said about the Captain!" I assured him I would. I'm considering going back this Saturday to report that I indeed told them. We'll see. He is pretty cute.

Well, with my friends' visits behind me, it's time to fully focus on school. Fall is full fling here, and it is quite lovely. Or, I might say that if I had time to look up from my books to notice. Truly, this graduate school thing is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I've ever done. My Akkadian teacher (whose class has become my semi-weekly drudgery) told me today, as we were going over my recent midterm so she could help me understand why I received such a low grade, that if she had it to do again (meaning the MA of this program I'm in), she's not sure she could handle it again - that it is excruciatingly hard. Yep - I agree. So, it's back to the books. Well, for me, it's actually back to the train to study on my ride home. Toodles!