It is, in fact, doable

I think I have established by this point the fact that I am swimming ahead into uncharted waters, and have been for the past year or so.  It has been quite a swim - last-minute housing dilemmas, making new friends, occasional (or not so occasional) bouts of loneliness, exasperated tantrums at the farce that is getting your car licensed in MA, and so on.  A very large portion of the experience, of course, has revolved around the issue of navigating graduate school - an challenge I was and am woefully under-equipped (both with training and natural instincts) to successfully conquer.  Yet, with miraculous help from Heavenly Father, and special people carefully placed in my path, or to whom I cling desperately, and who have kept me sane, I have not yet drowned.

I turn 32 next week, marking 2 years since I started this blog.  It's been an interesting experience, keeping a blog, and I'm not very good at being consistent (I apologize), nor entertaining with my wit, but I have enjoyed putting my thoughts down.  It has also been important for me to report on my progress - when I have achieved nothing else of note, I like to be able to say that I have progressed toward becoming a better version of me.  Next week, when I turn 31, I will report on this year's progress.

But for now, I want to share some thoughts about my progress in the academic realm.  Looming ahead of me in my journey, or, if you'll permit me to continue the swimming analogy, my swim, has been a huge, mountainous wave.  My Master's Thesis.  I am not good at research - not instinctive, and not very patient with it.  I have a vague feeling that I may have shared this before, probably when I was in the process of other overwhelming research-related projects.  In any case, I prayed earnestly much of the summer to figure out what I wanted to research - to find something of value to contribute to my field, or even what field I wanted to look into.  The whole prospect seemed a black hole of possibilities, and I had no way of singling out just one or two.

My prayers were answered - quite completely, in fact.  And they are still being answered.  I hardly know how to be worthy of such blessings.  But I'll at least share my experience.

A few weeks ago, in the middle of a class on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, on a tired Friday morning (interestingly, Mondays and Fridays are my toughest days), I was attentively listening to the discussion, when all of a sudden I had the thought - a very complete but spontaneous thought - to study Ezra T. Benson and his relationship with Israel.  The thought was much more detailed than that, so I'll explain.  As members of the Church we always hear about the significant lives of our leaders, and President Benson is no exception.  I recalled hearing that he had been a strong supporter of the State of Israel, and that he had worked as Secretary of Agriculture under one of the Presidents (although I couldn't remember if it was Truman or Eisenhower - it's the latter).  I realized that the most unique and important thing I could bring to the table is my religious and cultural heritage - much of the reason why I'm studying what I am.  I could study about (then) Elder Benson and Israel.

My first move was to email my friend Emily - those of you who know her know that she is the opposite of me in many ways - a perfect networker, instinctive researcher, and has her hand in many academic topics, at any given time.  I told her about my thoughts, and she was immediately excited about it, but, with her historian husband Rob (who works for the Church), fairly skeptical about the accessibility of documents from Benson.  But she gave me some great articles to peruse and familiarize myself a little more with what has been done.

I next talked to my advisor (who is on sabbatical this year, so he's kind of hard to get a hold of), and explained it to him.  He was very enthusiastic, and wouldn't consider my alternative topic (it was too broad anyway).  He advised me on some archives in Israel to look at, as well as a professor here on campus to talk to.  I made an appointment with the professor, and looked up the archives.

Earlier this week I received an email from the woman in charge of the Ben Gurion archives in southern Israel.  She sent me 16 documents - letters from David Ben Gurion to Elder Benson.  I haven't read them all, but they are fascinating!  President Benson apparently shared with Ben Gurion (first Prime Minister of Israel) a book about man as God's greatest creation, and Ben Gurion shared his thoughts on the topic in return.  That's as far as I've gotten.  But this will surely prove to be a rich conversation!

Today, dressed in my Tuesday best (brown slacks and a purple Target cardigan), I knocked on Dr. Sarna's door.  Bear in mind that Dr. Sarna is reputed to be one of, if not the most, expert scholars in the United States on Judaism in the U.S., and American Zionism.  One person told me he is a walking encyclopedia on all things U.S. - and after my meeting with him, I would be tempted to agree.  I had been told he was very eager to help students, but I didn't know what to expect.  My experience so far has been that professors are willing, but not so much eager, to help students.  They are mostly eager to do their own research, and make an impressive name for themselves.

But Dr. Sarna lived up to his reputation.  After initial greetings, his first words were, "I think your topic is very interesting, but I'm not sure that it's doable."  I kept smiling, and nodded to show that I understood, but my heart sank a little.  He explained that he wasn't sure the information was there, and spent a while talking me through it.  Then we went to his computer together and began looking at some online resources (JTA - Jewish newspaper archive; Eisenhower library with microfilm and other documents on a gagillion things, including a great deal about Secretary Benson; etc.), and it became apparent that, indeed, a great deal of information is available.  He was mildly surprised.  I was elated.

After that we spent some time discussing my next steps.  He is the exactly the person I need - he understands that I don't know how to approach this, or even know what I don't know, so I don't know what to ask.  He specifically said he wants to keep tabs on me - that I need to email him every few weeks to let him know how I'm doing.  And when I mentioned that I'd like to expand this topic even further for a possible PhD, he began discussing that possibility with enthusiasm.  He told me to get in contact with Truman Madsen (is he still around, and could I even keep up with him?), who he apparently has great respect for, and also gave me some other names of LDS historians, as well as historians on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I need to become familiar with.  He told me that I needed to read every book every written on the relationship between "Mormons" and Jews, and that I would become the foremost scholar on this topic - Mormons and Jews, and Mormons and Israel.  He is clearly a visionary - he sees that vision much more clearly than I do at this moment.  It was terrifying and exciting all at once.

I left with an assurance that this is, in fact, doable.  And the Lord will, in fact, open the doors I need Him to open.  So, as I keep swimming, and sometimes sinking and choking on the water, I'm also bobbing to the surface and slowly gliding forward, thrilled to see the help I'm receiving from the Lord, and to be reminded that I can do this.  And I will.