Is there a Dr. Taylor in the house?

What d'ya think?  Am I destined to become a professor?  Will my name one day be followed by a "PhD"? Maybe.  It's looking more probable.

So, after a bit of a hiatus (to anyone who actually reads this, I'm sorry), I'm returning and reporting.  And what I have to report on is blessings (brachot, in Hebrew).  Blessings all around!  Miracles!  (Nesim)  James has moved to Salt Lake, where he is living with our cousin for a bit while he gets himself settled.  He is doing so well, I can hardly believe the last two years, which were the trial, to be sure, actually happened.  He is preparing for a mission, attending institute regularly, and trying to make himself worthy of the girl of his dreams.  I couldn't be prouder of him.

Tyson is going through a rough patch, and I'm praying for him all the time.  But he is home, trying to work through his demons, and I believe he will become a great man.  As for the youngest of us Taylors, Cisco is also doing very well.  He is doing well in school and basketball, and the biggest problem is the money it takes to keep up with him.  Tournaments, ball games hours away (requiring a hotel stay at least twice a month for my parents, in addition to the gas), exclusive training camps, etc.  He may never be Michael Jordan (but I won't discount him yet), but he is doing us all proud.  And he's a good kid.  I'm doing my darndest to get him to squeeze an Eagle Scout project in there - that would certainly be the icing, and a great blessing to him, if he would just realize it.

And now for the most recent and most personal blessing.  On Friday I found out that UCLA, my second choice for PhD program in Israel Studies, accepted me.  That is a blessing - but it comes with a great deal of uncertainty as to cost.  California universities are being hard-hit by economic situation there.  Nonetheless, I was very pleased.  But then imagine my sheer joy at the revelation that I have also been accepted at Brandeis.  That comes guaranteed with a fellowship (meaning, most of my living expenses are also funded)!

As I have not yet written this in my journal, and I sometimes copy and paste from the blog to supplement my journal, I'll tell you the story.  I had just finished class - it was 4:50 p.m., and I was walking out of the Schusterman Center (the Center for Israel Studies, where my class was held).  I stopped just in front of Professor Troen's door to get a banana out of my bag (if you will recall, Professor Troen is the professor who a) controls my future at Brandeis; and b) I completely cried to last year, only two weeks ago this time - that whole stupid getting the car registered issue).  He has been much more friendly, less aloof, of late.  Good sign, I suppose.  He stepped out of his office, to my surprise (he's usually gone by that time), and said hello.  He asked which class I had just left, and I told him, and then he said, "Well, what classes are you going to take next year when you're studying here?".  I told him I had a lot of courses I wanted to take, and then hesitated.  Did he say what I thought he said?  Indeed he did.

Not only that, he continued, as if nothing had happened.  I explained that I hadn't heard anything yet, and he said, "You will, and when you do, you need to come talk with me in my office so we can plan out what courses you need to take...(and he continued to talk about which departments I need to do cross-disciplinary studies, etc.)."  Then he proceeded to tell me that with my excellent Hebrew (what?!) I would jet ahead, that I didn't need to take 5 years to graduate (I'll go with that!), and I would stand out in the academic world.

I told him thank you, that I would come and visit with him, and then scuffled away, a bit stunned.  I walked over to my friend Karen's desk (who is a PhD student in Israel Studies already), and told her the story to see if perhaps I misunderstood, or maybe he was just messing with me.  She was ecstatic - assured me he would not do that, and then she and the other girl there congratulated me.  Wow!

A few minutes later Professor Troen was showing someone (I don't know who - someone Israeli) around the Center, and as I walked by he stopped me and introduced me as "another one of our excellent students."  A little stunned again (he is NOT the same professor as before, who never seemed to have time or patience to talk with me, and was always surprised when I did good papers), I said hello, then went on my way.  Later that night I got an email from Jonathon Sarna, the professor who is helping me with my Thesis, and who is basically the Truman Madsen of the Judaic world, congratulating me.  He said the official offer would come shortly, and that they would give me a fellowship of $24,000 a year.  Sure beats the $5000 a year I have been making working as a tutor!  I'll still work a little bit, I'm sure, but I can hardly believe how blessed I have been!!!

Two years ago I decided to put in another round of applications, after failing the first time.  Brandeis was the only school who accepted me.  I had no idea how great of a school Brandeis is.  Heck, I had no idea Brandeis even existed!  I only knew I wanted to study Israel - anyone who has known me for a long time knows that this has been my dream for a long time.  Yet I had no idea how to go about it.  But I took my naive little steps forward, and Heavenly Father carried me the rest of the way.  He still is carrying me.  I don't deserve it.  I suppose none of us deserve the blessing, the abundant blessings we receive.  Mosiah got it right - we just can never hope to be profitable servants.  But I am grateful.

So, as I close, I want to share a few of the pictures of recent good times.   You'll notice that James seems to have more than his share of camera-time, but he is the brother that seems to have time to do stuff with me the most.  I intend to change that - and get some equally fun pics with the rest of them.  The other pics are random memories of the last year - Lilac Fest, Sister Missionaries out here in Boston, whom I love, fun with Patty and her girls, Seder dinner with Ruth last April, etc.

Thank you all for your prayers, love and support.  This isn't the end - but your prayers and support have brought me here to the beginning of another great adventure.

PhD or Bust! (lame title, but I'm really landing on nothing good here)

You must love that after my enthusiastic and optimistic entry over a month ago, I have entirely left you in the dark regarding my grad school adventures.  I do most sincerely repent.  But I also must explain.  After the "it is doable" post, I have been most anxiously engaged in "doing" it.  I knew it would be a wild semester, and I knew I had bitten off more than I should have when I took 4 classes, almost doubled my working hours, and then had to add PhD applications into the mix.  I knew it, did it anyway, and now I'm choking just a bit.  But I haven't died yet!  Good sign.

I also can't think of a good title for this entry, so even the one time that I did sit down and try to write a few weeks ago, I quickly got annoyed at the time I was wasting trying to come up with a good title, and got back to homework.  As I'm writing this, the title box remains empty.  I hope some inspiration comes! (none did)

So, yes, things have been very busy.  But good.  In the mean time, I had a quick, re-filling visit with my family for my birthday.  I have now completed my 31st year, and I did, in fact, memorize 31 new scriptures (ones I had never memorized before).  I thought about listing them all for you, but that's just a little overkill, don't you think?  But I wanted to report that I had memorized them.  I do, however, have to report that I'm still working on the Old Testament.  Alas, I did not make that one.  But I guess in this case, I'll plead quality vs. quantity.  I wish that argument would work when my professors assign upwards of 500 pages (EACH!) of reading per class each week, and I only get about half done.  I'm all about quality, baby.

I'm nearly at the breaking point in stress.  I chuckle a little as I write that - those of you who know me well ask yourselves when that has not been the case.  True, it seems the overwhelmingly stressful times do outweigh the non-stressful ones, but this time's right up there with the best of them.  So much rides on the next few months.  I've felt out of my league since I started this whole grad school thing, and I'm still feeling it, in new and overwhelming ways.  PhD programs!  I'm applying at a time when schools are having to cut back funding for all levels of education, but especially ones like PhDs where they pay for you.  And to add to the difficulty, the state of the economy has also flooded graduate programs with unemployed but highly qualified students hoping to do something productive and ride out the storm.  So, in addition to feeling somewhat outclassed, I'm in the midst of greater competition, and less opportunity.  And I still don't know how to network as well as I should and make the connections that would help me get into the programs I want.  So, trying to figure that out, write 8 statements of purpose for all those applications, research and write 3 final papers (talking 15-20 pages each), do the regular homework, research for the Thesis, and make a Thanksgiving dinner.  AAHHH!  Christmas will not come a moment too soon.

To top it off, things are never dull back at home with the fam.  I won't go into details, but it does take its toll.  But hey, James is coming out for Thanksgiving, and I'm very excited to show him around my favorite city.

OK, after all my complaining, I'll end on a funny note (I am glad that one of my ways of dealing with stress is to see the humor in life).  I was walking up to campus the other morning, and as I was going up the steepest part of the hill, lost in my thoughts, I became vaguely aware of a guy riding a bike down the hill.  He began steering off to the side, off the path, into the deep leaves, which caused me to now wonder what on earth he was doing, and if he was going to stop before running into the light pole.  He did - sort of.  He fell over awkwardly in the leaves, right as his bike ran into the pole.  As he got back on, I noticed he was holding his cell phone up to his ear, and even more awkwardly got back on his bike, still talking on the phone, and immediately fell again, still talking, and never missing a beat!  I hope whoever he was talking to was worth it, because he was ridiculous!  I smiled sympathetically, but laughed heartily on the inside (perhaps because, let's be honest, other than the stupidity of talking on the phone while trying to guide a bike, this scenario could totally be me!).

I wish you all a very blessed Thanksgiving, one worthy of all the thanks you will surely render.

It is, in fact, doable

I think I have established by this point the fact that I am swimming ahead into uncharted waters, and have been for the past year or so.  It has been quite a swim - last-minute housing dilemmas, making new friends, occasional (or not so occasional) bouts of loneliness, exasperated tantrums at the farce that is getting your car licensed in MA, and so on.  A very large portion of the experience, of course, has revolved around the issue of navigating graduate school - an challenge I was and am woefully under-equipped (both with training and natural instincts) to successfully conquer.  Yet, with miraculous help from Heavenly Father, and special people carefully placed in my path, or to whom I cling desperately, and who have kept me sane, I have not yet drowned.

I turn 32 next week, marking 2 years since I started this blog.  It's been an interesting experience, keeping a blog, and I'm not very good at being consistent (I apologize), nor entertaining with my wit, but I have enjoyed putting my thoughts down.  It has also been important for me to report on my progress - when I have achieved nothing else of note, I like to be able to say that I have progressed toward becoming a better version of me.  Next week, when I turn 31, I will report on this year's progress.

But for now, I want to share some thoughts about my progress in the academic realm.  Looming ahead of me in my journey, or, if you'll permit me to continue the swimming analogy, my swim, has been a huge, mountainous wave.  My Master's Thesis.  I am not good at research - not instinctive, and not very patient with it.  I have a vague feeling that I may have shared this before, probably when I was in the process of other overwhelming research-related projects.  In any case, I prayed earnestly much of the summer to figure out what I wanted to research - to find something of value to contribute to my field, or even what field I wanted to look into.  The whole prospect seemed a black hole of possibilities, and I had no way of singling out just one or two.

My prayers were answered - quite completely, in fact.  And they are still being answered.  I hardly know how to be worthy of such blessings.  But I'll at least share my experience.

A few weeks ago, in the middle of a class on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, on a tired Friday morning (interestingly, Mondays and Fridays are my toughest days), I was attentively listening to the discussion, when all of a sudden I had the thought - a very complete but spontaneous thought - to study Ezra T. Benson and his relationship with Israel.  The thought was much more detailed than that, so I'll explain.  As members of the Church we always hear about the significant lives of our leaders, and President Benson is no exception.  I recalled hearing that he had been a strong supporter of the State of Israel, and that he had worked as Secretary of Agriculture under one of the Presidents (although I couldn't remember if it was Truman or Eisenhower - it's the latter).  I realized that the most unique and important thing I could bring to the table is my religious and cultural heritage - much of the reason why I'm studying what I am.  I could study about (then) Elder Benson and Israel.

My first move was to email my friend Emily - those of you who know her know that she is the opposite of me in many ways - a perfect networker, instinctive researcher, and has her hand in many academic topics, at any given time.  I told her about my thoughts, and she was immediately excited about it, but, with her historian husband Rob (who works for the Church), fairly skeptical about the accessibility of documents from Benson.  But she gave me some great articles to peruse and familiarize myself a little more with what has been done.

I next talked to my advisor (who is on sabbatical this year, so he's kind of hard to get a hold of), and explained it to him.  He was very enthusiastic, and wouldn't consider my alternative topic (it was too broad anyway).  He advised me on some archives in Israel to look at, as well as a professor here on campus to talk to.  I made an appointment with the professor, and looked up the archives.

Earlier this week I received an email from the woman in charge of the Ben Gurion archives in southern Israel.  She sent me 16 documents - letters from David Ben Gurion to Elder Benson.  I haven't read them all, but they are fascinating!  President Benson apparently shared with Ben Gurion (first Prime Minister of Israel) a book about man as God's greatest creation, and Ben Gurion shared his thoughts on the topic in return.  That's as far as I've gotten.  But this will surely prove to be a rich conversation!

Today, dressed in my Tuesday best (brown slacks and a purple Target cardigan), I knocked on Dr. Sarna's door.  Bear in mind that Dr. Sarna is reputed to be one of, if not the most, expert scholars in the United States on Judaism in the U.S., and American Zionism.  One person told me he is a walking encyclopedia on all things U.S. - and after my meeting with him, I would be tempted to agree.  I had been told he was very eager to help students, but I didn't know what to expect.  My experience so far has been that professors are willing, but not so much eager, to help students.  They are mostly eager to do their own research, and make an impressive name for themselves.

But Dr. Sarna lived up to his reputation.  After initial greetings, his first words were, "I think your topic is very interesting, but I'm not sure that it's doable."  I kept smiling, and nodded to show that I understood, but my heart sank a little.  He explained that he wasn't sure the information was there, and spent a while talking me through it.  Then we went to his computer together and began looking at some online resources (JTA - Jewish newspaper archive; Eisenhower library with microfilm and other documents on a gagillion things, including a great deal about Secretary Benson; etc.), and it became apparent that, indeed, a great deal of information is available.  He was mildly surprised.  I was elated.

After that we spent some time discussing my next steps.  He is the exactly the person I need - he understands that I don't know how to approach this, or even know what I don't know, so I don't know what to ask.  He specifically said he wants to keep tabs on me - that I need to email him every few weeks to let him know how I'm doing.  And when I mentioned that I'd like to expand this topic even further for a possible PhD, he began discussing that possibility with enthusiasm.  He told me to get in contact with Truman Madsen (is he still around, and could I even keep up with him?), who he apparently has great respect for, and also gave me some other names of LDS historians, as well as historians on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I need to become familiar with.  He told me that I needed to read every book every written on the relationship between "Mormons" and Jews, and that I would become the foremost scholar on this topic - Mormons and Jews, and Mormons and Israel.  He is clearly a visionary - he sees that vision much more clearly than I do at this moment.  It was terrifying and exciting all at once.

I left with an assurance that this is, in fact, doable.  And the Lord will, in fact, open the doors I need Him to open.  So, as I keep swimming, and sometimes sinking and choking on the water, I'm also bobbing to the surface and slowly gliding forward, thrilled to see the help I'm receiving from the Lord, and to be reminded that I can do this.  And I will.

A whole new kind of wet

I know it's only the 6th of September (but do I have news for you, all you prescriptivists out there!  I did it in August too!), but I am sitting at my small, round, kitchen table, with the golden tablecloth, sipping hot chocolate.  Yes, hot chocolate.  And, oh, what a pleasure!  If only I had whipped cream!

The reason I deem this hot chocolate indulgence more than acceptable - night unto required - is that I am wet from head to toe.  It's a mixture of nice clean rain water, dirty street water, and my own healthy sweat.  I just rode my bike home from campus in the rain - another first under my belt!  It was quite an experience, this rain ride, and I considered waxing poetic and writing about it only in my journal, but no one will read that for decades (inshallah), and this way I get the instant gratification of knowing that maybe someone will actually read about my capers in the near future.  And I do type so much faster.

So, it really was kind of an interesting experience - one which stimulated all 5 senses.  And not completely a negative experience, although in the future I will be glad for sunshine when I embark.  The rain was coming down like it actually meant it, none of the misting stuff I have complained about before, and it did make for hazardous visual conditions (it was quite tough to keep my eyes completely open, and even when they were, it was difficult to see!).  I believe I was being pelted from two angles: the obvious one, from above; and the not so obvious one, from the stream spraying from my front tire.  This stream was an interesting sight all the way home.  It was even a little beautiful, in an ironic, looking-at-the-positive-side kinda way.  Its little droplets were lit up by my night light (positioned for safety at the front of my bike), which gave them a dancing water look, kind of like the Bellagio in Las Vegas.  I got all kinds of crazy light/water shows all the way home, and I pondered which ones of those droplets were making their way into the very eyes that were watching them.

That was one of the five senses.  Another was the sense of touch.  That one just felt wet - the wet you feel when you jump fully clothed, with jeans, into a large body of water, like a swimming pool or lake.  I've done them both, so I'm eligible to make the comparison.  Likewise, my feet, which were simply wearing Chacos (sandals) got the full brunt of the wetness.  I was forced to pedal through several puddles and even streams of water, and eventually my feet became so cold that the water splashed on them felt pleasantly warm.

To complete the five senses for the night, I listened carefully for cars approaching from behind, as they were my first indication whether I would be splashed again; I smelled their exhaust and wondered if some of them had some kind of problem with their engine; and I tasted.  I prefer to think that the water that occasionally made its way into my mouth, and the accompanying soft taste of salt and some sweet, was simply my own sweat and maybe chapstick.  Not some strange chemical off the street, or worse.

All in all, it was quite an experience.  Sure to be repeated, although I do hope not frequently.  So, now I will completely give myself to my hot chocolate, and an hour or two of homework.

Mount Monadnock (I'm pretty sure that's the correct spelling)

I just read on my friend Kerri's blog how she and her friends left her house at 11 p.m. and hiked Mt. Timpanogos.  They started the 9-mile trail at 12 and arrived to the saddle at 3 a.m.  Three hours - meaning about 3 miles an hour.  I, on the other hand, hiked one of the 3 most hiked mountains in the world (according to my friend Emily) yesterday.  It was 2.3 miles (or something), and it took us over 2 hours.  I will justify myself a little by saying that it is 2 miles of literally straight up the mountain - if it were in Utah, with the blessed switchbacks that those smart Utah hikers have created, it would probably be more like 4-5 miles - but it still took us a great deal longer.  But, like Timp, it's a heck of a view from the top.  It was a bit hazy yesterday, but from the top you can see for miles and miles in all directions - 360 degrees.  And again like Timp, it's all just rock at the top - but the rock is much more rounded, and when you reach the tree line and see the summit ahead, it looks like a little like an ant hill - so many people sitting and enjoying the view, or scurrying up or down, or just all over.  A great experience.  Here are some of the pics on Picasa: https://picasaweb.google.com/ashlee.burgener/MtManadnockSept?authkey=Gv1sRgCLPP8aLFje3sXg&feat=email#5648682380520806274

I got to experience another fun adventure this week - the day before the great hike which I just elaborated.  Kayaking!  On the Charles River.  That river is not a clean and appealing up close as it appears from the road as I drive past.  But it made for some beautiful scenery as we made our way down the river (Ashlee and I).  It was a lovely evening.  If you'd like to check out the pics, here's the Picasa album: https://picasaweb.google.com/ashlee.burgener/KayakingSummer?authkey=Gv1sRgCOT-5feR-ILsVw&feat=email

Last, but not least, this week I started school.  It's going to be a great semester, but a very busy one.  Ha!  I say that like it's something new!  But this is truly going to tax my reserves - in addition to the normal stuff (and yes, I ended taking 4 classes again instead of 3 - I can't help myself!  There's so much I want to learn all the time!), I'll be making applications for PhD programs.  And they're almost all due before or shortly after Christmas break.  And then....just waiting.

I guess that's about all there is to say.  Lehitrahot!

Back to Civilization...I mean, English

And if by civilization I mean noisy traffic, terrible roads and the Boston accent, then my title is accurate. But I kind of feel it's not very accurate, it just sounded cool. In reality, I LOVED Vermont; really did. And perhaps even more civilized (despite the pervading dairy smell) than Boston. It was beautiful, open, green country that begged me to come explore it, either on my bike, or on the hiking trails. And I did do that, to an extent. Now, back in Boston, I'm inclined to be lazy in my house and undo all the good I did getting myself in better shape. Not that I lost much weight - wouldn't that be just too good to be true! No, I'm only four pounds lighter (maybe not anymore...), but my body is truly in much better shape. I worked out a lot, rode a lot of miles on the bike, and saw BEAUTIFUL rolling hills, lots of cows, and picturesque little farmhouses. What could be better?

While my body didn't seem to show the effects of my efforts, my head did. Kind of. I do in fact know a lot more Hebrew now, and feel pretty comfortable speaking it with just about anyone who is patient enough to let me get the right words out and help me find the ones I don't know yet. So, I guess that eliminates most Israelis. But it does qualify me to take a class I desperately want to take this fall (Minorities and Others in Israeli Society and Literature - awesome, right!?), and it's an excellent base from which to build. I have to tell ya, though, Hebrew is just plain tough. I never again want to hear a Spanish student complain about how hard it is! The little whiners! It's word play compared to Hebrew! But really, once you break a certain mental block, Hebrew becomes possible. It's just getting to that point - that's why the intensive Hebrew summer was important.

So, here's what I did every day: woke up (usually early - the poor people in the dorms on either side of me probably wanted to kill me because I was chronically unable to get up on the first alarm ring) and did the last bit of homework I didn't finish; quickly made myself presentable (I was much less concerned about my hair - it would probably just get sweaty and nasty later anyway, so usually some form of pony-tail); off to breakfast (cafeteria, about 10-min walk, 2 min. bike, but all up hill), which was actually pretty good for cafeteria food; class from 8:30-11:30 - we played word games in Hebrew, did some grammar, and later into the semester, discussed the short stories we read; lunch at 11:30 - again, pretty good for cafeteria, and I was diligent to eat mostly salad, but the choices were always so good I usually tried just a bite or two of things that looked interesting or tasty; 12:30-2:30 class; later in the day, they would have yoga, soccer, and other activities all in Hebrew - sometimes I went, and sometimes I slept or did homework. Homework always took at least 3 hours, and then I needed to study the new words. And in the evenings, they often had movies, guest lecturers, concerts, and other events in Hebrew, so there was really not a ton of time for my explorations, but I managed, especially on Saturdays.

So, that was kind of boring, but I thought maybe you'd like to hear about my summer. Some hot days (no AC in dorms), some good friends - but I was definitely the hermit in the group (I know many of you refuse to believe that I'm naturally pretty shy, but it's true, and being entirely out of my element among so many new people and of a different faith, I had a hard time putting myself out there), and good memories. And now, on to more adventures! This is the semester that kind of determines the rest of my life...dramatic, but true. I will be applying to PhD programs, which I have no experience in or understanding of, and hope like crazy to be accepted into one. So, stay tuned.

And now, I am getting off my duff and working out! Come determination! We will not be overcome by temptation of the so-easily-accessed Netflix movie!

A Time to Love, and a Time to Hate

Hate is a very strong word. I really seldom use it. But I just paid something called an "excise tax" for owning a car in the state of Massachusetts. I really HATED paying that. I don't understand what the tax is for, and I am getting rather tired (to the point of great perturbation) of all the nickel and dime taxes! I love living here, truly, but people are correct when they say it's expensive to live in Massachusetts! Expensive housing (a base just for a room would be about $500-$600 - just for a cheap, not very nice room - at least $1200 for a whole apartment), expensive utilities (and no AC), expensive gas, and a whole load of expensive, inexplicable taxes! So, there's the hate part.

Now I will try to rid myself of these negative feelings by offsetting my rant with an ode to the lovely summer evenings in Massachusetts. They truly are Heaven-sent. The heat subsides, the bugs aren't too plentiful (but beware when riding your bike at twilight - somehow they all find your mouth, you'll end up with a lot more protein in your diet than you planned), and generally the humidity is just comfortable. It demands a nice walk, or even a lengthy bike-ride, despite the unavoidable bugs in the teeth.

Oh, I suppose I should mention that I am now the proud owner of a bike. Not a new one, but a refurbished one, and I love it! In just a few minutes, I'll be on my way to purchase a bike rack, so that I can take it with me to Vermont to enjoy nice long bike rides there! This is all part of my weight-loss efforts (which really need to step it up a notch!). Boston, it is worth mentioning, is a running town, but also a biking town. As a driver, you have to be constantly aware of the runners and bikes sharing the road with you. And as a runner or biker, you get to be king of the road! It's loads of fun! I wonder how it will be in the tiny town of Middlebury, Vermont. I'll let you know.

Actually, I will let you know eventually is what I should say. This is the last post I'll be making for about 2 months. I'm headed out in two days for my Hebrew program in Vermont, and will be unable to write or speak to anyone in English. And likewise, I'll be unable to read anything sent to me. It will be total isolation! But it will be good - I'll be a much more capable speaker of Hebrew once I finish. I'm looking forward to that. That's also why the bike rides will be such a delight - my escape when I'm about to explode from the overload of Hebrew. So, to all my readers (though few in numbers), I say, "Have a fantastic summer! I'll catch ya on the other end of it!". Shalom, vekaitz tov!