The meltdown - and not referring to the snow

No, don't worry - the snow is still high and deep, and, like Visa (or is it American Express?), it's everywhere you want to be. I, on the other hand, am not where I want to be (as in, I have gotten NONE of the homework done I needed to today), and have had a bit of a meltdown. Minutes ago I just erupted into crying, and wandered around the house with tears and snot running down my face, wondering why in the world I was crying. Really. I have had big Amber dramatic crying moments before, mind you, but I could usually attribute it to a specific frustration. This time it came out of nowhere. The catalyst was simply the issues I'm having getting my car registered in Massachusetts (which truly is proving to be a trial, and I don't have time to do it another day - heck, I didn't have time today, but it had to be done because it expires Monday!).

Maybe it's the winter blues people always talk about (but here it's the whites! for snow, of course), maybe it's PMS, which I never thought I was victim to, but I think it has bared its ugly face more and more over the last few years, and maybe it's just that I'm overwhelmed and can't deal with even normal things anymore. Maybe it's all of them. Whatever the case, I'm a mess today. I feel not smart enough, not well-read enough, not dilligent enough (which is part of both of the preceding issues), and not of much contribution in this world at the moment. I'm so out of my league, and don't know how to keep up!

Don't worry, I'll be OK - in fact, I'm fine now. But I sure do think I'm a bit nuts! But let's talk about the snow, as it is a major part of my life now. I drove past a snow dump yesterday. Apparently snow removal businesses literally fill dump trucks up with snow from parking lots and dump it there - and it's a huge, parking-lot size space, completely full with about 80-100 ft. mounds of snow! And a caterpillar trailer on top smoothing it down - just like at a garbage dump. Crazy!

This morning I spent a good half hour digging out my car. On the passenger's side, the snow came up to the roof of the car, so I didn't even try to dig there. But, using a snow shovel, I dug out the driver's side and back, and used the shovel to get all the snow off my hood. Apparently, people carry snow shovels in their cars for just such reasons. I think I need to start! But the problem is where to put it! The roads are like luges (is that how it's spelled?), lined with 5 ft. of snow. It's quite a challenge turning into your driveway! Or backing out (which usually takes me 6-7 little shuffling moves to get turned the right direction) - not to mention when another car needs to pass the other way. You have to find an empty spot, pull into it, and let them pass.

And apparently this is only the beginning of the season. I really can't fathom where all the snow is going to go! It doesn't melt in between! Just keeps getting higher and higher! I feel like I'm living in the mountains, not at sea leve. I didn't realize anywhere in the U.S. was like this, let alone Boston! But, I do enjoy the snow, and it's beautiful, so I just have to remember that as I grumble about how long it takes to dig out and drive anywhere.

All I can say at the moment is, let's hope tomorrow is more productive than today! If it's not, I may be on a fast track to failure.

Boston streets, January drizzle, and Karl Marx

Ignore my delightful pictures of crawling into the snow/rock cave at Donut Falls, and first answer this question (then look to your heart's content). What do streets in Boston, yucky January drizzle, and Karl Marx all have in common? Nothing - except that they are all an annoying part of my life at the moment! Even with the GPS (and thank goodness for it, or there would be no hope at all!), navigating the streets in Boston - I think they are like a big pot of spaghettie noodles that someone dropped all over the ground and called them streets - is like a bad dream. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm in some kind of dream world like the movie Inception. I can't ever orient myself! And, come to think of it, I woke from a dream yesterday morning to find that I was still in a dream! It was rather distressing - my hair (in the dream) was damp from sweat, and all matted and curly, and I didn't have time to shower. Hmmm...anyway. It has been an adventure, to say the least.

Now, if you've kept up with the news, you know that Boston has had more than its share of snow this year. This is true. But snow is infinitely better than its wet, sniveling cousin, rain drizzle! But get the two of them together, and it's disaster! Nasty, cold weather, with constant drizzle, melting snow that contributes to the huge puddles (and I mean huge, and right where you can't walk around them, because of the 4-ft. piles of snow!), and overall stupid weather conditions for January!

Surprisingly, I'm actually in quite a good mood. This may be because I finally deposited my student loan check, and now have more than a dollar in my bank account. Or because I'm eating cashews - that always has a positive effect on my mood. But I think the reason is two-fold. First, a girl I tutored briefly in the Writing Center last semester stopped me on campus today to tell me that she specifically wanted me to tutor her writing class (I saw the job posting, but I really don't think I can squeeze in anymore this semester). It was very flattering and nice to know I'm of some help. Second, I just finished my classes for the day, and I'm really going to like them all. It's going to be tough - no way around it. And I mean, I tough! Hundreds of pages to read each week (and I'm a painfully slow reader! At least for the academic world), some major papers to write (I'll have written somewhere between 50-100 pages of research by May 10 or so), etc. But the topics are so interesting! I have never taken sociology before, but I should have! I like it! And History of Israel! So cool! I'm definitely in the right place!

Speaking of the right place, did you know that I am at the best school in the world for Israel Studies? How did I manage that!? I didn't - not even a little. Heavenly Father did. I feel so blessed. I just have to talk myself into appreciating the salad I had to satisfy myself with for dinner. Oh, and go read 100 pages of Karl Marx by Monday. Yeah, life is good.

Back to Boston...and loving it!

I am freshly inspired. I just finished watching Julie and Julia (I'm sorry, but I have to pause to lavishly praise Meryl Streep - she delights me in this film!), which conveniently sat waiting for me on my bed when I got home last night. I am inspired to write, and I am inspired to cook! Being unable to do both, I will write. My responsible side tells me I should buckle down and wade through the dozens (nigh unto hundreds!) of emails in my inbox, and deal with the large pile of mail (from which I pulled the movie last night - one of the few things I actually have opened). But, instead, I will succomb to temptation, and write.

Do you love it when I accomplish another first? I do! It's so fun to have completed a project that celebrates doing anything for the first time - my life has become perpetually fresh and new! My most recent first: driving across the country in 2.5 days. That's something! AND I went through at least 5 states that I have never been to before. I took the I-70 path to avoid Chicago (HUGE snowstorm in the forecast), which dropped us down from Wyoming to Colorado, to Kansas, to Missouri, to Illinois, to Indiana, to Ohio, to West Virginia, to Pennsylvania, to New Jersey, to New York, to Connecticut, to Rhode Island, to good, ol' Massachusetts (and, yes, I have learned to spell it correctly). OK, so the last few were on I-95. Anyway, we (Cassidy Bull and I) were incredibly blessed - we missed the major snowstorms, and encountered very little that affected our driving - negatively, anyway. I did get a little distracted and take the wrong freeway in St. Louis. The arch was just so fun! And I am convinced that there is not a lovelier countryside than Pennsylvania, somewhere not far from West Virginia and Harrisburg, PA (according to road signs). Even in winter, trees stripped of leaves, and driving along the highway at 65 mph (or perhaps more, but I'll never tell), the land was breath-taking. Charming farm houses, rolling mountains/hills (depending on which part of the country you're from), and tunnels that take you through the mountain. If you should find yourself one day presented with the choice of driving through this area or not, definitely drive it!

We were likewise very blessed with no car problems, and with good company (well, speaking for her company anyway - I'm sure I wasn't always the most pleasant company. I can hardly stand myself, sometimes!). One of my favorite past times was making our way through Trivial Pursuit Cards. I've never done especially well at that game, but I held my own - especially on American History questions. We decided to try to stop in Philadelphia and see the Liberty Bell. We didn't know exactly where it was, so we plugged it in the the trusty GPS, which took us 30 miles north to Allentown, PA. We thought that was a little odd, but neither of us being geography buffs, we drove up and found the Liberty Bell Shrine Museum. As we suspected, it's NOT where the Liberty Bell currently resides, but it is a lovely little church nonetheless. It happens to be where the Liberty Bell was hidden during the Revolution so those darn Brits couldn't get a hold of it. Chalk that one up to a future Jeopardy question - who knows, it may win me big bucks one day!

We opted not to retrace our steps to Philly, but to instead have an authentic Philly Cheesesteak. Other than a splash of red marinara sauce on my clean new shirt, the sandwhiches were everything they should be, and our little (and only stop) was a success. For future reference, the Liberty Bell is near Independence Hall, according to Peter Steenblik. Of course - that would be the logical assumption. When have I ever been logical?

And, so I prepare myself to begin school again. I am looking forward to it, but also wiser to what I'm in for this time around. No more wicked Akkadian, but more writing, I'm sure. And probably more reading. But that's good. I need to write a paper that I can publish. This is a major thing I have never done before, and it does fill my heart with some angst. But my Heavenly Father has more than taken care of me so far, and I know He will help me with this too. He has reassurred me that I can succeed. And I will. Now, I must go exercise and get busy getting ready for school to begin again. Shalom!

Christmas and New Year

Do you know, I have sat down a couple of times already to write a post - I figure it's about time. But I can't come up with anything interesting to write (it's a good thing I never became a columnist - I'd be a complete failure!). I sometimes have some little inspirations that I want to share with people, but then I get to the computer and my mind is blank. I consider my options: a) Christmas Eve/Day - we made it with minimal fighting, but it did include some heartache that I won't elaborate on; b) precious time spent with friends - it was wonderful to me, but not really anything noteworthy; c) precious time spent with family - I am not used to being so lazy! I don't know how to just lay around anymore; or d) New Years up at the Bangerter cabin with Patty and her family - my family actually came and had a pretty good time, but, other than the snowmobile dying on us, and sliding backward down the icy road in the truck with the trailer (adrenaline pumping, let me assure you!), and winding up with a jackknifed trailer stuck in the snow bank, nothing of interest to tell.

Oh, I thought of something! I went on a blind date with a very nice guy, but I wasn't super excited about the ice-skating portion of the date (the Thai food, however, was especially delightful!). It turned out that they gave out hockey skates at the Gallivan ice rink instead of the old figure skates, and my ankles appreciated the switch. I only had to sit out once, and I never even fell! Now if only my date lived in Boston too!

Another fun little tidbit is that I took my friend Brian to my high school friend Christmas party. He is a perfect companion for such an occasion - goodlooking guy, but with personality; fun, courteous, etc. It was actually quite fun, and I loved seeing some old friends.

One thing I love about having accomplished 30 first things in my life, is that I now feel a sense of accomplishment when I do something I've never done before - even if it is kind of pathetic. Case and point: I went to a movie (at a theater) all alone for the first time the other day. Another first! It was at the dollar theater (Deception was the movie, in case you'd like to know), and I was joined by several other apparently single people - mostly in the senior citizen category. Apparently, I have moved into that phase of my life. That must be how my friends feel that attend the 31 and over ward! Interesting. Luckily, in Boston my ward is 31-45, and it is great!

One last item to report: I got all A's my first semester in grad school. Can you believe it? I hardly could! I got an A- from Akkadian! I really didn't think that was even possible, but then again, I know that God is a God of miracles. That is certainly true, and I am humbled and grateful.

Well, as I begin the new year, I am committed to memorizing my 31 scriptures (having to recommit - only have 2 down!), and to losing some more weight. I will overcome the emotional/psychological barriers and eat/treat my body the way it should be. There ya go - it's public, and I will do it! Happy New Year!