Turkey Firsts

Get it? "Turkey" firsts? Too cheesy for you? Yeah, a bit much for me too, but I'm so tired that I can't force myself to care much.

Do you remember those sleepless nights? You know, the ones during finals where you try to repent and frantically memorize every little bit of information your professor may or may not hold you accountable for on that dreaded piece of paper known as the final. When you think back nostalgically on your good ol' college days, think back on that too. And remember me - that I willingly submitted myself to - in fact, I'm paying big bucks to be a part of - this beastly affair. So, my life at the moment is a constant effort to stand strong against the constant waves of exhaustion, emotionally, mentally, and physically, and the fervent light of hope waiting for me at the end: I get to go home.

OK, that may be dramatic, but I already said I'm tired. I've been up since four a.m., and I think I will be every day this week. I won't be home until 10:30 tonight. Again, that will be the standard (if that!). And, really it is pretty representational of how I'm feeling.

BUT I had a TERRIFIC Thanksgiving! I successfully made a turkey, stuffing (completely from scratch - even dried the bread cubes), and gravy (also completely from scratch). I have achieved adulthood. My old college roommate/dear friend Sharon and her husband Anthony came up with their darling baby boy Ira and we had a great dinner with my roommate and some friends here. And I had PLENTY of leftovers (as my roommate constantly points out - she fails to see the joy of Thanksgiving leftovers in sandwiches, casseroles, soups, etc.). All in all, it was a success.

On Friday we went to Plimouth Plantation (yes, I can spell - that's how it is spelled). Highly recommend it! I met my ancestor, Samuel Fuller, and his wife Bridget. Of course, he wasn't aware he had progeny, so it was a bit of an awkward conversation. We also visited the Mayflower II, and I even saw a lighthouse on the way home. Could you ask for a better day-after-Thanksgiving?

Now it's back to the books. Write a paper, finish Hebrew (that final is this week - but then I only have two left), make flashcards, study old ones. All in a night's work. Happy holidays everyone. I look forward to seeing you (hopefully) soon.

ANOTHER FIRST!

Yes, I am so pleased to announce that a new first is in my near future! Thanksgiving has come and gone for 31 years for me, now, and I have never actually made my own Thanksgiving dinner. I have helped my mom plenty of times, but never on my own. But in just over a week I will wake up early, stuff a large, dead bird with dried bread, celery, and spices, and place it in the oven. I will boil potatoes, make homemade gravy (yikes!), and help my friend Sharon with whatever it is she is bringing to contribute to the dinner. In short, Thanksgiving is at my humble home (truly humble!) for the first time! I feel as though I have finally achieved adulthood, and I'm thrilled! Now I just have to get through this week of papers and quizzes, and I'm on my way!

One other quick first to announce. I drove in Boston today - and during morning rush hour, to boot! And not a single ding or honked horn. I'm a natural.

So, I thought, as my first semester in graduate school is coming to a close, I would share some of the wisdom I have gained over the last few months. I may use this stuff for a future Sacrament Meeting talk - and I give you permission to do the same. Some of the wisdom is funny, some more didactic and serious, but all of it is true.

1. Wild turkeys still inhabit New England, and roam without a thought for their soon-to-be roasted, domestic brothers on the other side of the fence.
2. Utahns, and even Mormons, do not have a corner on being good Samaritans. People are good everywhere, even if they get a bad reputation from outsiders who don't know what the heck they're talking about. As annoying as tourists with their nose in a map must be, Bostonians are more than happy to stop and give you directions, trust you to come back and pay for your haircut if you didn't bring a check book, and slow down for you to walk across the street.
3. It's really hard to go after your dream! I used to watch my friend Nathan struggle and feel discouraged, and wondered if he wasn't possibly foolish for going after it. But he is now on the way up (I really do think you'll one day see one of his musicals, possibly even on Broadway), and, in his words, "There's nothing quite so hard, but there's also nothing nearly as rewarding."
4. Sometimes part of the hurt is the inability to share it with anyone, because there is no possible way that they can understand it - it's so complex. But the Savior does, and He can help. And it does get better.
5. If you are truly engaged in becoming a real disciple of Christ, there will be anguish of soul, moments of despair, and realizations of personal traits that you wish you could just get rid of. But, combining the previous two points, there will also be exhilaration, triumph, and plenty of help from the Savior to become His heir. "There must be opposition in all things."
6. Thomas Edison was right on: Genius is 10% inspiration, and 90% perspiration. The trick is getting engaged enough to really perspire - and to continue perspiring, even when you just want to lie down and give up for a minute. That's really hard, and that's why so few achieve it!
7. Finally, the 94 bus will take you all the way to Davis Square, but it is very unpredictable. If you miss it, the 80 bus will take you 3/4 the way to Davis Square. Your options are to go back home, out of the rain, and try again for the 94 (but probably miss the train you need to take), wait in the rain for the 94 (still missing the train), or take the 80, and walk a few minutes. Really, if you're willing to walk a few extra minutes, the 80 bus is less crowded, and you might find you even enjoy the walk! How like life!

Well, there ya go. I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving. May we all be aware of how truly blessed we are!

Another year, another set of firsts to accomplish

I considered whether to continue writing, now that I have accomplished my 30 firsts, and the general purpose of this blog is now completed. Clearly, I decided to keep going. Partly because I like pontificating and sending my thoughts out to the world. Partly because I'm not doing as well as I would like at keeping a journal - and this is something, at least. But mostly because I do have some friends who read, and I love them. I want to remain connected to them in some way.

The last few weeks, and up through the end of the semester, I'm sure, have become the "endure to the end" period for me. Truly. This move to Boston has been much more difficult for me than I imagined. (Good thing I didn't imagine it being so difficult, or I probably wouldn't have come!) I miss my family and friends tremendously - and any of you who know me well know that I get attached and find it difficult to detach and move on with my life. Missing major events in their lives (including football games, birthdays, new dating adventures, etc.) has really strained me emotionally. And that has affected everything else. I become easily distracted while studying, and have felt somewhat depressed and discouraged much of the time.

And then there is school. It is a constant feeling of not being smart enough, not knowing enough, and not being diligent enough to succeed. And if I don't succeed, then not only am I a failure, but I have thrown a lot of money down the drain - money I'm not sure I can pay off if I don't reach my goals. Add that to the (self-imposed) pressure of trying to be my best all the time, and an example of the Savior, and feeling like the example I'm setting is one of mere mediocrity and failure. All this pressure and emotion has made my life out here very challenging for the last few weeks. Of course, I try not to talk about that too much, because my problems and frustrations don't serve anyone - they only add to others' problems; they don't lighten anyone's day. But the feeling has been weighing on me for a while.

Then one of my friends recently noted that it sounded like I regret coming here. I didn't realize it, but it was a question I have been subconsciously asking myself for quite some time. Did I make a mistake? And the answer I tell myself, even amidst the self-doubt and discouragement, is absolutely not. I have felt led to this point. I don't know why, but I have received various witnesses that I can and will see miracles, if I'll just have faith. I trust that the Lord will open the path for me, and show me, someday, why I'm here, and how I can serve Him. And I'll succeed. That is the miracle.

I have always been keenly aware of my weaknesses (I know, those of you who know me also know that). But in my lifelong struggle to be better than I am, I have realized that I have one key strength. I'm not particularly talented in any given area, and I'm not as smart as I wish I were. I'm not even as diligent as I wish I were. But I don't give up. My gift is the gift to never give up. And I won't. And I'll get there, eventually. If God can be patient with me, so can I. I trust He will make of me what I am meant to be.

So, I'll stop moaning and dwelling on what's not going right, and instead focus on what I can do better. And I'm happy. And with the Holy Ghost in my life, I will always be happy, no matter what. So, friends, there's my thought for the day.

Oh, and I've decided that this year's goal is to read 31 new books - but that's impossible before my 31st birthday, so it's a lifelong goal. Read 31 great books - classics, ones that I should read but haven't yet. I'm making a list, so if you have recommendations, feel free to share them. I'm starting with the entire Bible. Sad - I have never read it cover to cover, completely. That is my goal for this year. So far, I'm almost finished with Genesis (I have to speed things up, if I'm going to finish on time!). It has been wonderful!

Returning and Reporting

For those few of you who somewhat faithfully keep tabs on my blog, I apologize. I have been remiss in reporting on my 31st birthday (the day of judgment...at least for my 30 firsts). But don't you worry! I did them all - every last one! And more! It has been a particularly eventful year!

What, you say, was my 30th first? If you have been reading carefully, you know already - it was going to be whale watching. Well, I am very sad to report that I was not able to fraternize with the whales. Surely both I and the whales are the worse for losing that opportunity. But the weather was not my friend that fateful Saturday, and the whale-watching cruise was canceled. This, after Sariah and I RAN down State Street for several blocks just to make sure we didn't miss the boat (pun intended). We didn't miss it. It never left the dock. Our tickets were refunded. It was a great disappointment.

But never fear! Boston holds a plethora of fun activities for a Saturday afternoon. Actually, this particular Saturday, we went to Concord. We strolled through beautiful Sleepy Hollow Cemetery (we being Marchelle, Sariah, Loni, and I - so wonderful to be with good friends!) and visited Authors Ridge - I had been there before, so it doesn't count for a first. And we drove around and admired the lovely historical homes. But the highlight came when we stumbled, so to speak, upon Louisa May Alcott's Orchard House. What a find! It was closed, so we explored the grounds around it, and took pictures. One picture was particularly memorable. Three of us sat/leaned on the short fence in front of the home for a picture, and just when we were giving our best grin, we heard a fateful "crack" beneath us. We had broken the fence of the Orchard House! We were completely dismayed! A woman in a car waiting for her husband to figure out something on a map saw our little defacing of this historical monument, and her face was one of complete horror. We felt so bad that we wrote a little note on a scrap paper, indicating that our chubby buns had broken their fence, and to call me for repairs, rolled it up, and put it inside the door frame for the historical society to find the next day. We certainly left and impression!

So, my 30th and final first turned out to be defacing a national historic monument. Three cheers for me! Or, should I say 30 cheers?

Other highlights of my time with friends included visiting the USS Constitution. If you have never visited, may I suggest you get there one day? It's quite fun. It's a naval post, so the tours are given by current sailors in the U.S. Navy, and they're fun to take pictures with. On the way out, the girls filled out comment cards all about how cute Jared (our sailor) was, and that "Utah loves Jared!" and such nonsense that one writes when one is certain that she won't ever have to face that person again. The next week my friend Patty came to visit, and I, as a good friend, dutifully took her to see the Constitution. Guess who our tour guide was. Yep, none other than "cute Jared." I tried to remain inconspicuous so he wouldn't notice me, but sure enough, about halfway through the tour, he began looking directly at me every few seconds. While we waited for people to file in after moving to another deck, before continuing the tour, he looked over at Patty and me and asked, "Where are you folks from?" I stood in embarrassed silence, but Patty brightly answered, "Utah." He looked away for a few seconds, then looked back and said to me, "Have you been on the tour before?" Now I couldn't ignore the situation. I said, "Yes. I wasn't sure if you would remember," to which he replied, "Oh, I remember." Great!

He continued with the tour, and at the end pointed out that we could fill out comment cards to let them know how they were doing. Then he looked directly at me and said, "And the Captain reads every one." This is when I would have crawled into one of the cannons to hide, if I could. I just looked away. If I were as flirtatious as my mom wishes I were, I would have come up with some clever retort, instead of the embarrassed smile, which was the only thing I could muster. As I departed the ship a few minutes later, he was there AGAIN! No escape! I muttered something about, "See ya later," and he said, "Be sure to tell your friends what I said about the Captain!" I assured him I would. I'm considering going back this Saturday to report that I indeed told them. We'll see. He is pretty cute.

Well, with my friends' visits behind me, it's time to fully focus on school. Fall is full fling here, and it is quite lovely. Or, I might say that if I had time to look up from my books to notice. Truly, this graduate school thing is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I've ever done. My Akkadian teacher (whose class has become my semi-weekly drudgery) told me today, as we were going over my recent midterm so she could help me understand why I received such a low grade, that if she had it to do again (meaning the MA of this program I'm in), she's not sure she could handle it again - that it is excruciatingly hard. Yep - I agree. So, it's back to the books. Well, for me, it's actually back to the train to study on my ride home. Toodles!

Boston in the fall

In Boston it mists. And it rains sometimes too. But in my short observation, it mists about as often as it rains. Imagine those misting machines at amusement parks - you know, that they have at certain locations in long lines, mercifully blowing out soft mist to cool you down. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about, only on a huge scale. And it drizzles. Only once have I seen a good rain like the ones in Utah. But when it rains (mists) here in Boston, it lasts for a good couple of days or more, also unlike Utah. But I don't mind the mist - I just wish it didn't make the decision whether or not to use my umbrella such a difficult one!

I wrote that earlier this week, about an hour before the deluge struck. And it answered my query for real rain with REAL RAIN! As I walked across campus to catch the train, rivers ran under my feet, and I huddled under my umbrella to try to keep the rain at bay, but the wind was my fierce enemy. Not only did it sweep the rain up and under, it lifted my umbrella and threatened to pop it inside out (you know, like they do the the dad's umbrella in Mary Poppins). So I held it down tightly with one hand, while the streams of water trickled down my arm, into my shirt. Needless to say, I was soaked, top to bottom, with my hair the most dry. But I survived to tell the tale.

I'm in the full swing of things now. The life of a grad student is nothing less than academic insanity. I think of those movies like A Beautiful Mind or others where great academics go slowly insane. It's no wonder! I feel guilty because I don't dedicate as much time as maybe I should to my studies (don't get me wrong - I dedicate plenty of time), but I already feel myself hovering on the brink of insanity. As students get so deeply involved in their studies, I can see that they could easily lose the connection to reality. And then there is the time issue. I thought people were crazy, or lazy, for not working. Now I understand. I am the only person in my program I know who is working - that on top of being already behind in this course of study because there is so much I simply don't know. I started behind, and can't seem to catch up. I have so many disadvantages, that it becomes, in addition to the shear overload of work, overwhelming emotionally. I just keep praying that Heavenly Father will do all that I can't - literally. Make my mind understand in the short time I have the material that more experienced students take hours and hours to study; grant me opportunities to one day work in this field, so this whole effort, and the money involved, aren't a waste. He has taken care of me so far, and I keep giving all I have, so I trust He will continue to make up the difference.

Well, that's all for now. Looking forward this week to some friends coming. Sure do miss my friends.

The Sky is Falling

There is a very real danger that an acorn might fall from the sky and knock me in the noggin! Really and truly! I have narrowly escaped dozens of falling acorns - sometimes I think the squirrels, who scamper around with impunity, and whom I have seen grabbing at the acorns, and even eating them, might be tossing them down. I haven't actually seen them throwing them, but they do seem to like some friendly banter, so I wouldn't put it past the little buggers.

The other danger is that I could roll my ankle on the thousands of acorns littering the ground everywhere I walk. So, I dutifully crush with my heel every acorn I step on, so it is not a danger to poor souls with weak ankles like myself.

All over-cautiousness aside, I'm really enjoying the squirrels (unlike native New Englanders, who complain incessantly about the little pests) and all the acorns. It still holds its novel charm for me. What I'm not enjoying is the apparently allergic rash that has developed in my armpits. Yes, my armpits. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone's sense of decorum, but I am going to describe what may be one of the most unanticipated trials I have ever faced. Who would ever have thought my trial would be in my armpits! Not me.

So, a couple of weeks ago I began noticing that my armpits itched a bit more regularly than normal (no, they don't usually itch a lot, but on occasion - don't we all try to inconspicuously scratch there on occasion?). I dismissed it as simply a reaction from my backpack strap rubbing, but I soon discovered that the strap wasn't even touching the part that was most irritated. I tried various things - let me assure you, it was good and red, and extremely itchy. I finally went to the doctor on Saturday, and he said it was an allergic reaction, although he also implied that it might be stress-related (stress? How could it be stress? It's not like I have taken on loads of student debt, am desperately poor and trying to be independent, stay up late hours studying languages I really don't understand yet. stress?). I think perhaps, after experimenting with drinking the local water, that I'm allergic to something in the water here. It has given me a wicked headache a couple of times.

He prescribed a cream that I have been rubbing on the pits day and night, and it seems to be working. I can't tell you how grateful I am to sit here at a computer, thinking about what I'm writing, instead of concentrating on not scratching. What a blessing! Now, if I can just get that darn insurance situation worked out...

So, that's the latest from Boston. October is going to be fabulous. Not only will I finish my 30 firsts (whale watching!), I get to see a few friends who are coming to visit. And I'm moving, so I will be in a safer location, with a better commute. If I can pass my quiz on cuneiform Akkadian today, I'd say things are looking pretty good. If you want to see what that looks like, go online and do a google search for Akkadian cuneiform. It's pretty interesting. One day, I'll be able to read it!

Hurricane?

Have you ever been attempting to do the same thing over and over, to no avail, even though you know it can be done, and is not even hard, and gotten so frustrated that you begin making strange gutteral noises, trying to keep from screaming outright? That is what I have been doing for the last couple of minutes - this computer (Shirla's, my landlady) completely closes the internet each time I try to post a picture on the blog, or do anything that it considers a pop-up. So, I'm going to take a deep breath, and try this post again, and NOT scream. I'll post pictures later. (Big breath..."Serenity now...")

So, about this hurricane business. A great disappointment. I was rather excited to say I'd been in a hurricane, but it never quite made it up to us in Boston, and all we got out of it was an evening of rain - no wind, nothing! I've experienced much worse storms in Utah!

BUT, I do have some exciting new things to report. Actually, I realized I had left out some of my firsts! Silly me! We're getting really close!. But before I list them (I know - you're anxiously waiting, but hold your horses just a minute), I have to say that I'm not sure that one of my old firsts should count. I hope Boober will forgive me, but I just don't think my dressing up crazy and going out in public should count. After all, I've done that dozens of times, as each October 31 came around (when I was a child, of course...). And, when I was 17, I did it once with my Aunt Debbie - we dressed up as gypsies (actually, I was playing a gypsy for my neighbor's birthday party, and telling fortunes to the little girls. It was rather fun!) and went to the store and handed out candy to surprised and delighted little kids, with suspicious parents. And it wasn't even Halloween! My Aunt Debbie was so much fun that way.

So, I'm going back one. That's a good thing, as with the ones I have to add, it would equal 30 already, and I want number 30 to be a bang. So, please let me know if you have any suggestions.

26. I did, indeed, walk a cat. Two, in fact. They weren't happy about it - the little wimps couldn't handle being outside. (Late July, 2010)
27. I did, in fact, visit Niagara Falls, on our way out here. I forgot to mention that earlier. It was a spectacular experience, and we were drenched. When I can, I'll upload pics. (August, 2010)
28. I have begun grad school, something I have never done before. It is terrifying, difficult, and satisfying, all at once. (August 26, 2010)
29. One of my favorite experiences so far: I went with some of my new ward friends to Providence, Rhode Island to see Waterfire. It was very cool - and, again, when I can, I'll upload pics. The basic concept is literally a bunch of bon fires floating on the water, and a large festival-type atmosphere, except more sophisticated and romantic, as thousands of people just wander and enjoy the ambience. (August 28, 2010)
30. ????

So there we are folks. I'm counting on you to suggest a perfect number 30. It has to be doable, and cheap, and incredible, all at once! And my birthday is coming up in October...so let's start thinking seriously here.

That said, I'll be off - back to my studies (yep - I'm studying even on a Saturday. Ah, the life I have chosen to lead...)

Hebrew

I began learning Hebrew yesterday. I am one of only 10 students, and only one other is a graduate like myself (and I have EVERY class with him! Crazy!). But I'm still the dumbest one in the class. In just two short days I have developed a great deal of sympathy for the students for whom learning is/was always a challenge - for whatever reason. All the kids in my class are Jewish, and I think all of them, with one possible exception, learned to read and write Hebrew at a young age. They don't speak it, which is why they're in the class, but they sure have a huge jump on me!

So, there I was, desperately trying to figure out where the teacher was on the page (we had learned five symbols/letters in the Hebrew alphabet the day before, but all of a sudden she was expecting us to know several more!), when she called on me to read. The girl next to me kindly pointed out where to begin, and then had to keep prompting me as I painfully struggled to sound out the words - and usually failed. I felt like I was in pre-school again, and I don't even remember that experience! There were just so many things she kept talking about that I didn't know, that I couldn't stay with her. I became that student that dreaded if the teacher called on me. She did, of course, call on me several more times, hoping that I had caught up. And then she asked me to stay after class. I was good with that - I needed the help. She assured me that I could do this, but I had to learn the alphabet by next week (how strange to be talking about learning the alphabet - I feel so dumb!). Oh, no worries! I'll have it down by the end of the day!

So, I have spent the last 2 hours writing each word in the alphabet at least two-dozen times. Yep, pre-school again. I'm halfway through, because I've practiced reading with those letters in between, and took a break for lunch. Now it's back into the dungeon of the library to continue. I don't know how I can do this much work for just one class, and work, and sleep.

Rain

I must have been quite a sight - plodding along with my jacket zipped up all the way, my hood pulled tight, but my soaking bangs flapping against my forehead, and water dripping down my nose, and my arms weighed down with about 6 very large and heavy grocery bags. Well, one of them was my tote, as I do try to avoid plastic bags as much as possible. I did bring an umbrella, don't you worry. I just couldn't hold it up, so I neatly packed it into one my bags. The walk from the grocery store is about 10-15 minutes (it took all of those 15 minutes, as I walked slow and steady). As I had spent much more than I had hoped to spend, I defiantly refused the taxi offers, and was sure I could make it on my own. And away I went in the rain.

What I must look like to the people around me! Drenched, dragging my bags along, and WHITE! It makes me chuckle a little. Two streets down from my street, as I paused for a moment to shift the bags on my hands (really to give my aching arms a break), a young man offered to help. I swallowed my pride and let him carry the tote - the heaviest bag. His name was Arthur, and we chatted as we walked. I was very grateful. And I made it. But I'm wondering about my wisdom in opting not to have a car.

School starts this week, and beginning tomorrow I have orientations, both for work and for life at Brandeis. I am excited and nervous. And a bit discouraged about the jobs on campus. Our opinions of what consitute a student job vary greatly. I have gotten two jobs - the two I most wanted, even - and they total 10 hours a week. TEN HOURS! I can't live on that - I can possibly pay rent. So, I'm looking at other possibilities. Life could get very interesting.

So, now I'm off to hand in my resume at Barnes and Noble. I do love books - it could be great! For all of you who are praying for rain, just know that it's coming down out here in Boston. Let it rain!

The faces of Dorchester

I get around. That's what Shirla, the woman I live with, tells people about me. This is because I go explore the streets where I live, looking for the farmers market, grocery store, etc. And I take the train to the other places I need to go. She offers to drive me, or come pick me up from the T (subway) station, but I prefer to walk. She is a natural mother, and takes good care of me. And she gets after me when I don't call her to come pick up me up.

In my explorations, it has become very clear that I am a rarity in these parts. I get a lot of curious looks, being one of very few white people around, and with my "sweet face" and all (again, the words of Shirla). Today I wandered down to the busier part of town to check out bank accounts. Neither of the women I consulted spoke very clear English - they were both Vietnamese. But I managed.

As I made my way to the dollar store, the music playing in the shopping plaza was the old song, "Embraceable You". I felt as though I were in some kind of hoity-toity fundraising ball - other than the cool, humid air, the various faces of loiterers turned my way, and the faint garbage smell. When I left, the music had changed to Pavarati, or another variation, wailing Italian opera. And to complete the sound picture, as I walked by the grocery store, I heard vague snippets of the old whistle song from Clint Eastwood's The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. I just chuckled and walked on.

It rained for a while last night, and Boston was humid today. Truly. Maybe this is nothing, maybe I haven't seen anything yet. But this was the muggiest day I've ever experienced. It's like they say - everything feels sticky, but not in a sugary way. It wasn't miserable though. And it was cool. August, and the weather was in the low 70's - or at least it felt that way.

So, there's a picture for you. I don't know if anyone reads these, but thank you for your prayers and friendship. I have felt very uplifted by prayer and the Lord's Spirit. I'm grateful. Until next time...

p.s. The ice cream man is making his rounds again, only he has changed his song to "The Entertainer". This is the third time passing my street - how many times will he come, I wonder?

Ahem...ahem! Announcing Amber's arrival to Boston!

Arial, Courier, Georgia...goodness! The font options sure are limited! None of them seems sufficient to express my thoughts right now. Arial it is.

Mine is a mind that is ever aware of how I would describe the current moment to someone. As I move through each activity of the day, whatever it might be, I often think of it in literary terms, scripting it almost like a novel or a movie. I know, lame, right? But the funny thing is that when I sit down to write it, I really struggle to figure out what to say. I'm not sure why that is.

And so it is with this day. This day I have had so many thoughts. Is everyone this way? Head so full of thoughts, comments, realizations, all the time? It's impossible to record it all, and I think it's such a tragedy to lose it! Let me tell you where I am at this moment. I'm in Dorchester, Boston, just south of downtown Boston. I'm in a little 4-story home (each story gets a little smaller - I'm on the top floor, but it's just my room and a tiny little storage room) on a street called Longfellow. This area isn't the nicest neighborhood in terms of high class - houses a bit run-down, dirty streets and sidewalks. And I feel entirely the minority - a white girl, college student. I do not fit in. And I don't have a clue what I'm doing - I don't know how grad school is supposed to work! I hope I get a good job, that I can make ends meet, and be diligent enough to do all this. I feel all that weigh on me. But my house is nice - the nicest on the street, with a beautiful little patio out back, a well-cared-for flower garden out front, and my room, though rather small, is lovely and cool. The last time I felt this excited, apprehensive, scared, and determined all at once was during those first few days of my mission. This is exactly how I felt. Only then I was with someone 24-7. Now it's just me.

But I know that's not true. Sometimes I let it feel true, and I crumble into an emotional, scared mess. But every time I have prayed, I have felt a peace come over me. The apprehension is still there, but I'm not alone, and the fear doesn't control me. I feel strong enough to do this. The woman I live with is very kind. She is an avid Christian, and so excited for us to share our beliefs with one another. Already she has asked to read one of my books (one by Sheri Dew). She said of all the people who responded to her Craigslist posting, she felt certain she wanted me, for some reason. She insists there is a reason I'm here. I do hope that she will let me show her the truth.

An ice cream truck just drove by, playing "It's a Small World". I never felt that truer than now (seems almost ironic) - our street is very multi-cultural, but quiet and nice. I love new adventures like this. I really do. Saying goodbye to my family was harder than I expected, and facing all of this unknown is challenging, but I really do feel at peace when I remember my Savior's grace, how He has blessed me so much in my life, and has cared for those who have gone before.

Speaking of those people, whom I now revere so much for their faith to follow the Lord, I would like to report on some of my most recent firsts. I'll record them all in just a moment. First, I would like to comment on what a wonderful week it's been. My family got along quite well, we saw some amazing places, and my youngest brother Cisco has impressed me so much! He was the only brother that came. He is 15, which we all know could be miserable to share a car with for umpteen hours, but he was delightful. Despite returning from the national Boy Scout Jamboree in Virginia only one day before we left, he remained in good spirits, never complained that we didn't stay in a hotel with a pool (which he really wanted, and I think he deserved it, with his good attitude, hard work, etc.), and was always helpful and kind to both me and my mom. To top it off, of his own accord, he got a notebook and sat and read the Book of Mormon for several minutes, taking notes (in very good penmanship, I must add!) and studying hard. He participated in all the sites, and we all had a great time. My emotions were certainly on the surface - at Winter Quarters and Nauvoo especially, I would get teary each time I would think of the Saints leaving everything they knew behind to cross one of the most forbidding lands imagineable, and this often leaving family and loved ones behind. I am so amazed. I have truly been blessed by the Holy Spirit this week.

So, here are some firsts for this week (ya know, there are a lot of firsts not included, but I've chosen to keep track of the highlights):

22. Wade into the waters of the Mississippi River (Saturday, August 7, 2010)
23. See one of the Great Lakes (Lake Erie - Sunday, August 8, 2010)
24. Go into the upper room of the Newel K. Whitney store, or School of the Prophets (Monday, August 9, 2010)
25. Visit the Hill Cumorah (Tuesday, August 10, 2010)
26. Visit the Sacred Grove (Tuesday, August 10, 2010)

Best of luck to you all, and all my love! Oh, and Mom, you did well! I miss you already.

The Biggest First

Everything is quiet around me at the moment, except for the occasional snort from my dad sleeping in the other room (he used to shake the walls with his snoring), and the sump pump sucking the water from the basement every five minutes or so. It's quite a contrast to the way I feel inside. Tomorrow I depart for Boston. I just barely, less than an hour ago, secured a house, and it's not ideal, but I think it will be good. That mixes with the myriad other emotions and concerns that are all floating around, bumping into each other like atoms in a gas chamber that I learned about in my freshman science class. I am nervous I can't really hack it. I'm excited to live my dream. I hope I'm as smart as I think I am, and can do well enough to get into the PhD program. I hope the commute from this house isn't too long - but it's the only option I have right now. I hope my family isn't hopelessly fractured. I hope I can see my brothers play football and basketball from the internet, or something. I hope I am not too lonely. I just hope.

Those are some of my thoughts as I make my final preparations for Boston. I had a wonderful going away party the other day. So many people came. I was rather surprised that so many people loved me enough to give up their Sunday evening and wish me well. It made me tear up. My heart is already lonesome for my friends. But as I begin this new adventure, I know my Heavenly Father will take care of me. Above all, that is calming reminder that keeps me moving forward. On that note, I'd like to share this quote from Measure for Measure, by Shakespeare:

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."

So, this is the biggest first. I think it's pretty big, deserving of a few points in my "30 firsts", but I'll only count it as one. I have a few more firsts to add to the list.

18. Make falafel (July, 2010 - courtesy of Ruth Adolphson, and Peter Steenblik, who told me where to get the ready-mix kind when our attempts on our own failed miserably).
19. Get a facial (July 28, 2010 - courtesy of Amanda Fulk; and it was SO nice!).
20. Go backpacking to a place I'd never been (July 30-31 - courtesy of Brett Nielsen, primarily, who took us to a beautiful place by Guardsman's Pass).
21. Move to Boston (tomorrow, August 5, 2010 - courtesy of Brandeis University, but especially my family: I couldn't do this without their help and support).

And that's it. Next posting from Boston. Until then, Shalom!

Number 18!

Now, courtesy of Christy Boyer, who very generously had a birthday and gave me reason to go to a really cool restaurant, I am pleased to report that I have accomplished another first! I ate African food for the first time. It was actually quite good. Don't ask me what exactly I ate - I'm not sure. But there were some meats, which were good, and some potatoes, which were also good, and some other unknown, but tasty, items. And it was served with some kind of flat bread that strongly resembled my father's sourdough pancakes - they were soft, spongy, and had a sour flavor. I greatly enjoyed this first!

I would also like to report on my favorite quote of the day: "Why is your face still freaking out!"

Second attempt

All right. OK. All right. Giving it another go. Remember what I said in my last (and only other) posting? About being terrible at this blogging thing? Well, it turns out, I really am! Incredibly, I have successfully gone ten months and not reported on a thing! I justified that sin of omission by simply not giving anyone the blog address (is that what it's called?), so no one knew I was a slacker. But I'm repenting of my wicked, slothful ways, and I'm returning to report.

Since October, however, things have changed a bit. For instance, I did not even apply to an MPA program. No indeed. I applied, and was accepted to, a MA of Near Eastern and Judaic Studies. Hence, I will not be fulfilling the MPA goal, but moving toward a PhD (starting with the MA, of course). I will be attending Brandeis University in Botson, beginning this fall.

Other things I have not done: a full sprint-distance triathlon (but I did do the bike and swim part of one - my friend Julie ran); a 50-mile bike ride; receive submissions for other firsts. Wait, you know what, that last one isn't entirely true. Amanda Fulk sat down with me one lazy, Friday morning, and we came up with a few, some of which I actually agreed to and have done.

Now let me report on what I HAVE accomplished. Some of them come with fun stories, which I will write about another time (can't write too much on just the second entry, right?). For today, I choose to tell you about one of the most recent: the cow tongue. But first, let's celebrate the firsts I have accomplished so far.

1. Ballroom dance lessons (February, 2010) - courtesy of Alesha Mechling, and my patient friend Peter Steenblik, who suffered through a few lessons with me.
2. Dress up crazy (Jubilee from X-Men and Syndrome from the Incredibles) and go out in public (bowling and running around a mall - courtesy of Jessica Ellison and Jessica Asvitt - January, 2010; April, 2010).
3. Visit Boston (thanks to Amber Gates - April, 2010)
4. Be accepted to, and attend, graduate school (April, 2010 - present)
5. Make potato salad (I know - pathetic that I never did before - May 31, 2010)
6. Get a pedicure (May, 2010; Mesa, Arizona)
7. Ride a mustang (oh, yes! Courtesy of my uncle Earl Taylor. It was trained, of course - June, 2010)
8. Skinny dipping for REAL (the clothes came off, and THEN I ran into the pool - June 15, 2010)
9. Attend a temple session at Oquirrh Mountain Temple (June, 2010)
10. Go to Detroit, Michigan (June 16, 2010)
11. Go to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio (June 17, 2010)
12. Paint my toenails red (July 16, 2010)
13. Kiss a girl (completely platonic, let me assure you! Actually, she kissed me! Courtesy of Jessica Asvitt - July 16, 2010)
14. Go to Ikea (great fun! courtesy of Brian Lambson - July 16, 2010)
15. Pour Cement (not so great fun - courtesy of my family - July 10, 2010)
16. Eat Cow Tongue (that one may be the hardest thing to do of all my 30 firsts! Courtesy of Amanda Fulk, who prepared it quite nicely. July 20, 2010)
17. Eat Buffalo (that was rather tasty! And much more lean than beef - July 22, 2010)

A few things still on the list to do:

• Walk a cat - leash and all
• Get a facial
• Sing/play my accordion on a street corner (coming soon to a corner near you...maybe)
• Take a pad of paper and draw at a busy part of town
• Get a part of my body waxed (this could also prove very difficult for me)
• See Boston in the fall AND swim in Walden Pond
• Go to Niagara Falls
• Go to Palmyra New York, attend Temple

So, I'm still looking for a few. Submission still being accepted.

Now, about this tongue business. It was nearly all over for me when Amanda took the tongue out of the pressure cooker and the end was curved up, looking like the tongue was trying to touch the cow's nose, except the tongue was, of course, detached from the face of the cow. I must say it was prepared very well, cut into nice, edible slices, served with garlic and parsley, but it still took me a good 15 minutes to plop the sucker into my mouth (I begged her to cut the taste buds off, but she insisted I eat it that way). I chewed for well over a minute, then forced it down my throat. I did not gag, though it was touch and go for a few moments, and it wasn't that bad. The taste-bud part was a little more chewy than the rest, I will admit. And I couldn't do another bite, but I did eat tongue. Hurray for me!